What’s the Deal with Self Love?
“Self-love is the source of all our other loves.” — Pierre Corneille
Healthy self love is not narcissistic or egotistical — let’s just get that out the way first off. Some people immediately associate self love with selfishness or egotism — it is neither.
To love yourself is as important as breathing — without it your cup is empty and you can’t truly love or give of yourself if you’re an empty vessel, now can you?
Read related article: What You Need to Throw Out When You Decide to Choose Fulfillment
Jane is a vibrant and gifted woman. Jane is also a people pleaser. She spent over 10 years in a dead end relationship with John because she didn’t want to leave him.
She didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
When I questioned Jane about why she hadn’t thought of her own happiness in this equation, she said that she ‘didn’t matter’. She went on to say that she has tried to placate all the people in her life because she wants to ‘keep the peace’ and not ‘rock the boat’.
Jane also divulged that when she was younger she was taught to be selfless and giving and that if she didn’t adhere to these principles she wouldn’t go to heaven.
“I think the most important thing in life is self-love, because if you don’t have self-love, and respect for everything about your own body, your own soul, your own capsule, then how can you have an authentic relationship with anyone else?” — Shailene Woodley
So as we started unraveling the complicated tapestry of Jane’s self worth and self love issues, we started getting towards the crux: Jane believed that God wanted her to be self-sacrificing otherwise she wasn’t worthy of His/Her love.
What complete and utter balderdash!
Thing is, a lot of people still believe this to be true and I think it’s the complete opposite. You are a worthy and lovable creation of the creator and deserve as much love and respect as every other beautiful being.
You’ve got to get with the divine program and start turning that love dial to full tilt on the inside!
Read related article: Self Love: The Importance of Consciously Valuing You
Unscrambling the Concept of Self-Sacrifice
Here’s why I don’t think it’s healthy to be self-sacrificing:
When you have regard for other peoples feelings that is great — it’s called empathy/ compassion/tact/kindness — nothing wrong with those traits. But when you do this with no regard for yourself you are, in fact, going against your own principles. Why? Because you are a person too…duh! Did you ever stop to think that you — a shard of the divine in carnation — are doing an injustice to a human being (your very own self!)?
- When you decide to be in ‘service to others’ instead of ‘service to self’ (this is where egotism and narcissism reign supreme) it is a most noble and amazing thing but you need to be included in that service. It is completely contradictory to abuse your own rights and feelings in order to help others. In fact, you cannot truly give of yourself if you have no self love or sense of self worth.
If you need a bit of help with getting over societal conditioning and not giving a damn about what other people think of you so you can clear a path to self love, give this article a once over: 8 Tips on How to Stop Caring What Other People Think of You
Conclusion: if we all learned to love ourselves more we’d have world peace. Give it a shot.