“If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.” — The Duchess (Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland)
Hmmm, yes. What is it about human nature that keeps our noses continuously stuck in other people’s affairs?
I’m sure we’ve all been lured into, blind-sided or even voluntarily stepped into drama at some stage of our lives but it always tends to leave us feeling mad, depleted, hurt, worn out, angry and a host of other undesirable emotions.
Perhaps you are the director of drama? Do you find yourself thriving on creating new havoc in your life or the lives of others?
Well, the 4 suggestions below might help you to diagnose why we create or involve ourselves in such amateur dramatics and can hopefully tempt you to have a better insight to and possibly disengage in the frivolous activities of other peoples business.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall — Whose Inner Reflection Will Tell All?
- The Smoky Mirror — Right in at no. 1 is our behaviors reflected in others. People that volunteer themselves to get entwined in the business of their fellow man, usually have some characteristic of what they are judging about others lurking about in their own foggy behavior. Sometimes we hide these attributes so well, that we can’t seem to see those traits in ourselves. This takes a lot of introspection and complete honesty to weed out. The next time you find yourself judging someone else’s behavior, try to see if there is any essence of ‘you’ in that judgment. The ‘smoky mirror’ (smoky = hard to see through, mirror = others reflected in us) is not going to be the case every time you identify or see a particular unnerving trait in another but the projection of our own inadequacies sure does tend to happen a lot, so be aware and look out for it — best to nip this mannerism in the bud before that bud turns into a fairly peckish venus fly-trap and makes a meal out of you.
- Deflecting Attention — Some people classically try to avoid their own perceived short-comings and inadequacies by not taking responsibility and deflecting the attention to make themselves look and feel better. In other words, you know you’re a gossip but you make sure you let the world know what an even bigger tittle-tattle Peggy-Sue is. Or, you feel ugly so you point out all the negative aspects of others constantly and this, somehow, makes you feel a little better. Now you’ve safely fudged over your own issues and redirected attention elsewhere. But how long is this ‘success’ going to last? Not long at all — it’s a hollow place to operate from. You’ve got to face your shadow head-on or you will inevitably suffer and bring others down with you. If you find yourself on the receiving end of an attention deflector just remember to not take it personally. It’s not about you, it’s about them. Leave the drama arena unstirred.
- Ego Trappings — Good ‘ol no. 3 is that juicy little sh*t-stirrer — the ego (or more like e-go away!). The ego thrives off drama and misery and putting itself ahead of the pack. Sticking your nose into someone else’s business is ego-fodder. You can make yourself better than, thinner than, prettier/handsomer than, cleverer than, more successful than so-and-so just because it gives your ego those 15 minutes of superiority— even if you don’t say it out loud, you know it’s true! The silent ego is just as dangerous as the overly loquacious e-goo (terribly gooey and all that jazz). Just like the sticky residue in the venus fly-trap — your icky e-goo can get you into some sticky situations if you are not aware it’s rearing that self-important head (down boy!). When the ego has you by the short and curlies, you tend to compare yourself and you’re usually the one that comes out on top. However, don’t be fooled! The ego is cunning and manipulative and can make you feel less than too. Both are a trap and both are easily avoided with the light of your illuminating awareness. Have a good laugh at your ego if you find yourself in its throes — nothing kills the ego more than hilarity and humility. Show the ego who’s boss — they key is to control your and not to let it control you. Read related article: How to Stop the ‘Monkey Mind’ Phenomenon
- “The Amateur Dramatics Society — Putting on a Show Near You!” — This is like the smorgasbord of the lot. You can find a little bit of each trait in no. 4 — the drama addict! Have you noticed how some people can’t live without drama? There you are trying to get off the wheel of karma and drop your drama while others are trying to hook you back into the cycle. There are some who will purposefully go out and buy a ravenous venus fly-trap, stick their finger in the jaws of the plant and howl when it clamps down and draws blood (of course, whilst facebooking the entire event post hast!). If you are one of these eager dramatists, I wish you luck on your journey and can’t quite understand the pay off. However, if you are someone who wants to keep a potting shed full of petunias rather than a dangerous carnivorous plant, take my advice and set your boundaries. If someone is trying to lure you into drama, don’t try to run away from them (fence-sitting is just not an option anymore — it’s all about facing your stuff now), don’t confront them with the ego (as in start an argument — you will then have stepped right into the trap and fed the drama) — simply speak your truth and stand firm in your conviction. Walk away if appropriate. Empowerment is always about standing your ground and not letting people overstep your boundaries and doing that in a way that does not provoke aggression or submissiveness. You’ve got to aim straight down the center and tell it like it is — speak your truth straight from the heart. If you offend someone, that is their choice and they will have to deal with it. Remember that taking offence is a choice.
The Long and Short of Your Schnozzle and Where to Put It In Future
So, what’s the moral of this tale? Live and let live.
You can powder your nose, you can blow your nose, heck, you can even pick your nose if that’s your thing — but whatever you do, keep your nose out of other people’s business. If they want your hooter present they’ll ask for it.
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Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author/columnist/radio presenter, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.
To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.
Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She has an official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates). You can also check out her Facebook band page at Templeton Universe.
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