In a follow-up to last weeks blog, ‘Only 50 Shades of Grey — What Happened to the Rest?‘, I’m going to be discussing the darker side of duality — the Shadow Self.
What is the Shadow Self?
“The master knows it is foolish to try to conceal any part of the self.”
It is that part of you that you reject, feel ashamed of, feel guilt over and suppress so that you can ‘fit in’ with what is acceptable in society.
Where Does it Start?
It can have it’s roots anywhere but, in most cases, it starts when we are young, vulnerable and impressionable.
Children want to be loved and to feel like they belong. We do something as an innocent reaction and we are reprimanded for it (usually by an adult who has accepted the ‘terms and conditions’ of society).
This rejection makes us feel like we’ve done something ‘bad’ and we may potentially lose that love we so crave.
We start to fudge over this ‘problem’ within us with a mask — we disguise this aspect of ourselves so we can still receive that love and attention.
Trouble is, it has a way of biting you in the backside if you don’t acknowledge it.
A simple example may be that as a child you were curious about your body and may have been caught exploring yourself. Your mother walked in and immediately shouted at you explaining that you shouldn’t do that because it’s ‘dirty’. You felt ashamed.
She was reacting out of fear and you had no idea what you had done wrong, only that touching your private parts was just not acceptable.
Who was right? Who was wrong?
“…what you judge in another is part of that shadow within your self. The finger-pointing has three fingers pointing back at the pointee!”
We can understand why the mother felt the need to reprimand as this is not something one does in public (not usually) or maybe she felt in order to shame her daughter/son she may avoid the child having ‘loose’ morals. There could be 100 different reasons for the reaction.
The child has actually done something perfectly innocent and now may carry a guilt around sexual promiscuity that could lead to all sorts of complications as an adult.
This is an example of the ‘shadow’. If you don’t learn to control the shadow, the shadow will control you.
Our Reality of Duality
Last week I discussed the balancing of the Yin/Yang energies — the merging of the feminine and masculine aspects. This week, I’ll be unveiling the light and dark energy we possess.
We live in a reality of opposites where we experience joy and sadness, love and hate, jealousy and gratitude, light and dark, male and female, etc. We need to have contrasting encounters in order to evaluate what we do want to experience.
We also happen to have been birthed into a society that dictates what normal and what abnormal is.
Here is where things start to get complicated.
Shining a Light on Right and Wrong
“…one has to acknowledge and accept the dark half to become whole.”
Our Akash (spirit/soul) is full to brimming with experiential existence and what comes with the vast spectrum of many lives comes many actions — good and bad.
I, personally, believe that we have been both sinner and saint.
It is easy to cast judgment on others because we feel righteous — but how virtuous can we truly be? Unless, of course, you believe that this is the only life you have lived.
The thing with judgment is that good old smoky mirror analogy (read more about that here) — what you judge in another is part of that shadow within your self. The finger-pointing has three fingers pointing back at the pointee!
Identifying the Shadow
A person standing in the light has a shadow. A person standing in the dark has none. What does this mean? Even the best of us have shadows.
Again, as in balancing the male and female attributes of the self, one has to acknowledge and accept the dark half to become whole.
Everyone’s dark side will be as unique as your fingerprints but we all suffer with the constant suppression of the ‘undesirable’ parts of our nature. Those parts that just don’t conform to society’s standards.
A blazing example would be that of the church — if you’re gay, you’re a sinner. Funny how the church harbours so many pedophiles. Well, it’s not really that bizarre as this is an example of a collective shadow at work
When you suppress that which you are ashamed of, you are trying to conceal your very nature. This nature will, in time, always pop up to reveal itself when you least want it to.
That’s why you hear of evangelists lecturing about righteousness and then sleeping with prostitutes or charity workers not being able to make time for their own families — you get the picture.
What Can You Do About the Shadow? Diffusing the Dynamite!
Make no mistake, I know what you’re thinking and I’m not suggesting you act on your desires. This is about how to deal with them effectively so they don’t blow up and destroy your life.
Here’s what you CAN do:
- Acknowledge — Recognize your deepest, inner-most feelings — no matter how uncomfortable they make you feel.
- Talk — The best way to relieve yourself of something that worries you about your personality or fetish is to be verbal about it. If you have no-one to share such intimate details with, then write it out on paper. Just get it out of your system. Look at it — the first step to dealing with a problem is giving it acknowledgment.
- Accept — Give your acceptance to your desires. This doesn’t mean you give permission to act on them. You are giving yourself permission to feel them and to deal with them in whatever way you see fit. This means that you can shine a light on them instead of keeping them buried in the darkest corners of your soul.
- Peace — Be at peace with the fact that you are a soul of experience and that you embody ALL experience which makes you whole not broken. You are okay with the idea that you have a darker more diabolical nature and you agree that this is a part of your 3D experience.
You no longer hide your secrets or feel guilty or embarrassed about how you feel — you bare your truth. You are not a flawed person, you are a human being and what comes with that package is that you are dichotomous in nature.
The master, however, knows how to control the dark side. How to offer it love and light instead of repressing and shoving it under the bed in a chained trunk. Only the fool thinks he can bury the truth.
The master knows it is foolish to try to conceal any part of the self.
What NOT to do:
- Hide — Don’t try to conceal what you know to be a true part of your self. This will cause you pain — mental, emotional and physical (as things tend to always manifest on a physical level when suppressed as dis-ease).
- Feel Shame — Don’t feel that you are abnormal or are as guilty as sin for thinking or feeling a certain way. Only acceptance can bring you peace. Rather try understand why you are feeling the urges than punish yourself continuously with shame.
- Act — There is a reason why society does not accept certain things as normal and that is because they may infringe on that one irrevocable law: “Do what you like so long as you hurt no-one.” Your discernment is vital. Some of the more wicked things we ‘want’ to play out are only thoughts that we have suppressed and when delved into and clarified may lead us to void the initial desire. That’s why talking about it may help.
You’ll find when you do accept who you are, you are more likely to accept others too with a sense of compassion, empathy and understanding instead of judgment.
Embrace your entire self and marry that yin and yang aspect. You are a worthy soul and you are loved — now your job is to believe that!
I want to IMPLORE you to watch this documentary about the shadow self (with Deepak Chopra and Debbie Ford) — it is just over an hour but it will TRANSFORM your LIFE! I hope that every human being gets the chance to watch this.
- What are your thoughts on the shadow self?
- Did this video help you to understand your life better?
- Would you recommend this video?
Other articles you may enjoy:
The Insidious Rape of Mankind and the Imminent Solution
Only 50 Shades of Grey — What Happened to the Rest?
How to Add Spectacular Drama to Your Life!
How to Blow Off Steam with Impeccability
5 Fundamental Steps to a Thriving Relationship
Books you may enjoy by this author:
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Great article on the Shadow effect! thanks for your thoughts – love the link too well worth the watch. I think a lot of people are trying to find the route to their unhappiness and this is certainly the best book I have read in a long time. “aha moments galore!”
Thanks, Sherry! And thank you for putting me onto the trail – I actually found this documentary on your recommendation of the book. Really brilliant stuff! 🙂