Get Me OUT Of Purgatory! The Emotions Behind the Nirvana Painting, ‘Cold Burn’

Me (on the left) cross-dressing for my 40th as Kurt Cobain (on the right)

Me (on the left) cross-dressing for my 40th as Kurt Cobain (on the right)

Birth, Death and Everything In Between

I went all out this year for my 40th Birthday and decided to throw a 40 Rock party! Everyone came dressed as one of their favourite music icons from the past 40 years.

I chose Kurt Cobain (yip, that’s me above on the left — the beard was drawn on and not grown! Yes, I know what you’re thinking…I may be 40 but facial hair is still at bay).

All jokes aside though, I warned you in last weeks blog that this emotional reveal wasn’t going to be pretty. You can read (or rather look at the photo’s of the painting process) HERE before I begin to unravel the emotions behind the art.

When I paint these rock art paintings, I scribble what comes up for me on the side of the canvas. Usually it’s quite a detailed list of raw feelings.

This one was different. Only one concept kept coming up.

Cold.

Was it Kurt Cobain Coming Through?

The only word I got whilst painting this was ‘cold’. I did, however, manage to pick up 2 phrases:

  • ‘Want to be warm — fire/sun/warmth’
  • ‘Tired of being cold in the dark — womb’

I started to wonder if I was just connecting with my own subconscious mind listening to Nirvana’s music as In Utero (Nirvana) album cover.jpgthere are a LOT of connotations to the womb — ‘In Utero’, their third and final album cover shows what appears to be an transparent angel with all her bits and bobs showing (left).

Kurt is synonymous with having a fixation with umbilical chords and babies, hence perhaps the feelings of being in the ‘womb’.A nude infant swimming in blue tinted water toward a dollar bill which is attached to a string.

Nevermind their second album! Called, ‘Nevermind’ (right) — where there is a baby swimming in a pool on the cover.

Or was I getting more sinister messages from beyond the veil from Kurt himself?

Not Cool…

If I was, there was another presence or even presences with him.

I felt as if he didn’t want to be where he was and he didn’t want to be with these entities either.

Cold Burn Nirvana by Cherie Roe Dirksen LRThe painting started getting twistier and turnier. The ‘dark’ angel that finally started taking shape half way through the painting has kind of an ominous vibe.

The water on top of the painting feels cold and murky, almost as if someone is ‘drowning’ in their emotion.

I was really freaked out when I started ripping up pieces of paper from a charcoal packet I had (conveniently) on my studio floor that said ‘fire’ and ‘brand’ (which is Afrikaans for fire).

What was truly weird was right at the end when I picked up a box of matches and just started striking them randomly and sticking them to the painting. A first for me!

It seemed as if someone was trying desperately to get warm.

Conclusions Leave Me Wanting

Cold Burn Pinterest IconThis painting did bother me on many levels.

I didn’t get an easy feeling painting it. I feared that perhaps Kurt’s soul is stuck in Purgatory or whatever you want to call a type of limbo.

I definitely felt presences that weren’t him but felt like they were holding him there, which wasn’t cool.

I have sat with this painting for over 2 months before I revealed it last week. I really wanted to get answers.

Alas, I have none at the moment. All I can do is pray that this soul gets out and finds the light it is craving soon.

  • What are your thoughts on this?
  • Did you pick up on anything looking at the painting or reading this?

Next Rock Art Painting…

Next to undergo easel/paint surgery is the music of Brit trailblazer, David Bowie.

Have you seen all 8 paintings in the Rock Art Series so far? You can recap on them and their blogs HERE.

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Cold Burn to Nirvana? Rock Art Painting No.8 is Something Different (Photo’s Included)

Cold Burn Nirvana by Cherie Roe Dirksen

 

It’s been a while since I finished the latest edition to my rock art series (if you don’t know what this is, please take a look at this tantalizing, musical artscape journey so far by clicking HERE: pictures, blogs, line up — the whole toot!).

Why has it taken me so long to reveal? God only knows.

All I can tell you is that this one was unusual and what came up was totally different to all my previous paintings in this series.

But enough banter — next week I’ll fill you in on the emotional journey (what I felt and what came up when I was painting this). It’s got me baffled but I think I’m ready to share it now.

Cold Burn is Born!

For now, let me introduce you to ‘Cold Burn’. This was painted to the music of those grunge trailblazers, Nirvana. Below is the start to finish photographic painting process.

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And finally, the finished painting!

Cold Burn Nirvana by Cherie Roe Dirksen LR

‘Cold Burn’ – 28″ x 28″ x 1.5″ Acrylic and Mixed Media on Boxed Canvas – Prints and other paraphernalia (including some really funky graphic t-shirts and iPhone skins available!) CLICK HERE

Thank you for taking the Nirvana journey with me 🙂

Please ‘follow this blog’ to stay tuned to the follow up blog (feelings/inspiration/motive behind the music/painting) next week. I promise you it’s going to be interesting if not a little freaky!

UPDATE: Read about the emotions behind this painting now, click here: Get Me OUT Of Purgatory! The Emotions Behind the Nirvana Painting, ‘Cold Burn’

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Are You Secretly Opposed to Nirvana?

Raw by Cherie Roe Dirksen

I’m a huge fan of grunge rock band, Nirvana, and could never be opposed to Kurt, Krist or Dave’s inciting, excitable and rebellious music that was the soundtrack of my youth — so now that that’s out the way…this article is actually about the state of Nirvana.

Smells Like Heaven

Nirvana (in Hinduism and Buddhism) is the highest level of enlightenment, a state of perfect peace and bliss — what most would call ‘heaven’.

It is the space in which our suffering and desires go away and are replaced with unity consciousness, happiness and tranquility.

It sounds good enough to eat!  But let’s get real…everyone has their own personal version of heaven, surely?

A Little More Lithium. Sir/Madam?

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word meaning ‘extinction/disappearance’ as in from the individual state to the universal state.  A-ha! Now we’re cracking that jagged little pill!

It is said to break the reincarnation cycle. Okay, am I sensing your ears perked up just then? Nirvana is starting to look very appetizing again! I mean, who doesn’t want to break the reincarnation/karma cycle? Unless, of course, you’re a masochist or have a propensity for dualistic roller-coaster rides.

But transcending desire?  Becoming one with everything?  Doesn’t that mean to lose ones very identity/personality?  I, for one, have to be honest here — I don’t want to lose my individuality!

I think our individual traits and nuances make life rather exciting. But is that my ego or spirit talking?

Come As You Are

I’ve spent the last 40 years honing and shaping who I am and now I’ve got to let it go?  Dust in the wind?

Just the word individuality says ‘in divided duality’ — clearly not a state of ‘oneness’…or is it?

What if we’ve been misinterpreting nirvana and it is not something that only monks can achieve if they’ve relinquished all and meditated for 50  years (which, let’s face it, only puts us off further because most of the human race wouldn’t even think to attempt that)?

We each have the freewill, of course, to do whatever we please on our various paths and if meditating for a lifetime gets you going, then kudos to you.

But for those of us who feel slightly lacking in the discipline department, what about us?  Are we condemned?

Polly Wants a Cracker

If we are smokers, drinkers, partiers, sugar junkies, caffeine addicts — are we going to be treading the karmic wheel for another thousand years?

I totally advocate a healthy body and a balance in all we do and put into our sacred vessels — but look at all those things listed above. They’re all ‘physical’, aren’t we more than our material bodies?

You can be ‘Perfect Pollyanna’ and do yoga, pilates, run the extra mile, eat raw, cut out dairy and sugar, only drink mineral water gathered from a well by vestal virgins in Toronto and meditate 12 hours a day on the top of Mount Shasta and still not achieve nirvana if you don’t truly ‘get it’.

We have a mind/body/spirit connection and this particular trinity is integral to unveiling nirvana.

Milking It

Okay, so let’s backtrack a little…earlier I said that some people might want to come back for another life-time because they have a fondness for duality and roller-coaster rides.

Most humans enjoy a little thrill — hence the success of most amusement parks — shrieking in excitement as our guts try to shimmy on up our throats, we delight in being yanked back and forth, up and down (or, at least, some of us do).

Now here’s the big BUT…

…but what if we were meant to be thrilled, delighted and thrown into constant enjoyment? What if nirvana is what WE make of it — the joy we define as our own (as long as we hurt none in the process).

And here is the juicy part….

In Full Bloom

What if ‘spirit’ wants to be excited and not just the ‘human’? If ‘hu’ means God and man means ‘man’ (the divine within), isn’t God just out to have a good time with this amazing creation — the uni/multiverse?

Isn’t that what this whole ‘separation’ of the One was all about — God got bored?

So when your purpose becomes joy and you are respecting other peoples freewill and harming none — you can say that you are positively in nirvana.  You are experiencing a connection with your fellow man/life forms (because you respect all life as emanating from the One which is ultimately you) whilst being a beautiful, expressive, creative individual little sausage!

We’re All Heart-Shaped Boxes On a Plain

Could it be that we can mould and shape our experience of nirvana to accommodate our own sacrosanct free will? We must define ‘happy’ for ourselves because it is multi-faceted (one box doesn’t tick all) — simple yet complicated — just like God…just like us.

It’s like an infinity symbol (figure of 8) — seemingly in duality (as there are two circles) but ultimately connected as one.

Perhaps there is no blanket state of nirvana? All this blood, sweat and tears we shed to achieve enlightenment is defined by whom? Gurus, leaders, saints, masters? But it should be defined by you.

Who is the ‘I Am’ presence within you?  That is what you need to figure out — that is the way to your personal state of nirvana

About a Girl, a Boy and Creation in General

Nirvana

Don’t forget to pin this article 😀

We are already one with each other — it is only an illusion that we were ever separate.

We are quantum — we can be everywhere at any time, we can be everything at any time.

We are duality and we are one, we are anything we think we can be and we are the nothingness in between…and we are powerful beyond measure!

Don’t be opposed to nirvana, you are nirvana…remember (reinstate that membership — you are already part of the whole).

So, all that is left is to fire up the stereo, pump up the volume and listen to ‘Nevermind‘….

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Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?

What is Karma?

Many Faces Many Masks ©Photo by Cherie Roe Dirksen 1024x696 Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?If we are to dive into the deep end of the slippery abyss that causes us emotional flare-ups, we need to begin our journey with that tricky little boomerang energetic signature called karma.

So what exactly is karma?  In a nutshell, it is an action or deed that starts the cycle of cause and effect.  This can be carried over through many lifetimes or it can have the light of awareness shone on it and be resolved in one corporeal sojourn.

We are all in the process of learning and expanding our selves, karma is a way of balancing out any lingering dualistic energy.  It is not a form of punishment — I believe it is just a realigning or rebalancing of your soul.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Karma can be a great source of discomfort and why?  Because it demands that you go within yourself for answers.   Introspection is always difficult and most of us squirm at the thought of delving into our own psyche, akashic records or past life experiences for fear of what we might find there — this is perfectly normal.

However, the truth to any situation is found at the core of your being and one of the most effective ways to get at that core is to meditate (for those of you needing a little nudge to get meditating, here is a link to an article you may find useful: https://cherieroedirksen.com/2011/12/08/do-you-need-to-meditate-part-1/ ).  Another great way to identify your karma is to look for triggers.

What Are Triggers?

Triggers can come in the shape or form of things, situations or people that push your buttons.  So let’s throw in a few examples:

  • Things — let’s say you are afraid of snakes.  You may come up with a few reasons why you are.  One being that it is a rational fear – some snakes are poisonous and can be deadly.  However, there are many animals that are dangerous that you may not be frightened of — so this cannot be the only reason for your phobia.  This could very well be a karmic attribute that you have stumbled upon.
  • Situations — you could be someone who absolutely abhors going to a fairground.  You don’t know why but it gives you the willies.  Or, it could be that you can’t bear to stand on top of a high building or mountain.  These can all lead you to childhood or past-life traumatic events.
  • People — I’m sure this is the one you can relate to the most.  Yes, you know the ones I’m speaking of.  Those button-pushers, the instant reactivity conductors.  They could play a major part in your life lessons.  Go into why they trigger you so much and see if you can release them.

Dicing with Your Demons

If you do not address your causality then you will suffer the effect until you do take it out to scrutinize.  So, like the old proverb ‘a stitch in time saves nine’, make a timely effort now and prevent more work later on.   My advice:  Get stitching!

You have a choice to do the work now or later.  Though don’t kid yourself, it will have to be done at some point — postponing the inevitable only leads to greater suffering and denial.

I don’t want any long faces so let’s lighten this up a bit…

Play with a Fun Perspective

Hiden Treasure ©Photo by Cherie Roe Dirksen 1024x575 Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?If you can look at it more optimistically, it is like a treasure hunt – you are looking for clues to unravel the tapestry of your life and its microcosmic theatricals to unveil the macrocosmic self and its journey’s.

This, if looked at in the light of consciousness, can indeed be an epic adventure.  You will come across many synchronicities and pointers that will amaze you.  This divine matrix of life works its wiles to weave its multidimensional graft of art and all of it is for your benefit.  As Yoda might say, ‘honored you should be!’

Banish the Inner Judge

Hold back any judgment you may want to pass on others and yourself.  Just let what has happened rise to the surface to be examined, appreciated (i.e. give thanks for the lesson that you have learnt) and then let it go.

I can hear you say, ‘this all sounds fantastic but what can I realistically do to take the first steps of releasing karma once I have found it?’

You do the Ho’oponopono.

Ho’opono-what?

It’s a remedy I got from a dear friend.  It is a prayer from the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.  Give it a try:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you

Now let’s get to the juicy bit…what comes after karma?

Dharma without the ‘Greg’

Hiding ©Photo by Cherie Roe Dirksen 515x1024 Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?When you can release your karma you are able to step into Dharma (and I’m not talking about that sitcom from the nineties).  Dharma, in this sense, is simply getting back to basics and being present with the natural law of the universe – it is a state of nirvana, that ‘inner peace’ we all search for.

You will be tested, however, and karma – even when it is resolved – can, and most certainly will, be thrown at your feet time and time again for you to pick up and be drawn back into the drama.

This is where you, from your calm centered place of dharma, will rise above the drama.  You will be able to detect and single out your karma when you are aware of the programs you have been running and the lessons you needed to learn.

Bring in your awareness to any of these arising issues and recognize them for what they are.

Easier Said than Done?

For sure, but just remember that when you bring awareness to any situation you have already shone 50% of the light on it.

When you can observe the nasty little head of karma, as it seeks to lure you back into 3D reality dramas, you will be able to be the calm, grounded entity who knows thyself.  You will be able to say ‘no, thank you — I am moving forward in my life not backwards’, and you can simply walk away.

Yes, you can walk away!  You are the still presence that is the walking example, guiding others to their inner knowledge.  When your friends and family (and button-pushers) start realizing that they no longer have any effect on you, they are going to want what you have.

Guess what?  You are probably going to want to give it to them to — because spreading the light is what you do best!

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Lightworkers World

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10 Ascension Tips You Need to Know

Cosmic Dance

As tongue-in-cheek as this article title intended to be — there is something to this biblical concept of ‘ascension’ but it may not be what you think.

To Be or Not To Be…What Was the Question?

Who am I?  

If this has been your question, then I would like to officially welcome you to the human race.

What needs to be clarified is that you know who you are.  You are the I Am that I Am.  This is not just some new flavour caption or the latest (or possibly, oldest) spiritual declaration of the times. This is a statement that holds no ego, no space and no time.  This is your true identity.  When you question your identity, you believe that you are less than what you are.  You are never this — you are only stuck in the illusion or the dream that you are lacking in some way or another.

Your Personal Spiritual Path

Now to find true meaning behind the saying is your spiritual path — your journey to enlightenment.  To say the words with no meaning or context is useless and is as effective as saying any prayer like a parrot and not feeling the words being said.

“You do not need to ‘find’ yourself because you were and are never lost.”

We so often miss this vital point.  Your ‘homework’ is to give juice to this phrase.  You do not need to ‘find’ yourself because you were and are never lost.  You need to rediscover who you are because you have forgotten – that’s all.  How you get to this point is entirely up to you.  Every soul takes a unique path to their spiritual awakening and this can be fun and daunting at the same time.  Now, this brings me to ascension – the latest hot topic.

Don’t Be Fooled by the Rapture

EscapismWill some be beamed off the face of the Earth (possibly like the Mayan civilization – disappeared never to be seen again) or will we all die and move on to the wondrous 5th dimension that has been promised by so many prophets and soothsayers?  Will the religiously righteous be taken up to heaven while the rest are left to fight out the apocalypse?  Is this all just one big hoax or money-making scheme?

They do seem like rather strange questions, don’t they? But believe it or not, they are being asked. We are looking outside ourselves for answers and we want them fast.

Some were even led to believe that the 21st December 2012 was going to be ‘the date’.

Now here’s how I understand this cosmic rapturing conundrum.

Could Love Be Key to the Ascension?

Ascension is a state of elevating yourself into a different level of consciousness and, in my humble opinion, is not a physical event.  This is a lateral and not a literal experience.

What has love got to do with it?  Let’s examine this more closely.

Firstly, fear is the catalyst for being in an eternal drama.  I say eternal because if you don’t break the pattern of fear it will lead to the inevitable cycle of karma – cause and effect.  You will be doing it again if you don’t learn this time around.

“You incarnated with the intention to overcome the illusion and fear is the root cause of all illusion.”

This is not some form of punishment – this will come from the will of your over soul – your higher self. You incarnated with the intention to overcome the illusion and fear is the root cause of all illusion.  Love is the reality and love will cancel out all fear.

So your job is to examine fear – not to push it aside like most of us are guilty of doing but to take it out and look at it.  We need to face the fear and walk through it.  You can take this literally or metaphorically, the choice is yours and will fit the situation.

Trust Your Gut Instinct

Your discernment is the key factor in outing your darkness.  Only you know what cobwebs are lurking in the deep caverns of your soul.  Only you can dust those corners and expose them to the light.

If some fears need facing head on, then do it!  If some need therapy, then do it!  If some need deep reflection and meditation, then do it!  No more excuses.  If you are making excuses, for whatever reasons you have, be very sure that you are fully aware that your excuses ARE your choices.

“No-one else is responsible for you.”

If you choose to excuse yourself from your lessons then you will be in for another round on the karma wheel – your choice.  Some people take longer to pull finger than others – this applies to lifetimes too, you know.  So it is appropriate that some will not achieve full enlightenment in this lifetime, there will be other lifetimes to battle this out – your choice.  If you are a go-getter, then why not make it this lifetime?

As Yoda said, ‘Do or do not – there is no try’.  But the bottom line to this bollocking is that you must be responsible for your choices.  No-one else is responsible for you.  If this is your mindset you are in for a rude awakening!  No pun intended.

I Am that I Am

Now let’s get back to ascension. Ascension, for me, is embodying your experience here on earth by:

  • knowing at a deep soul level your ‘I Am’ presence (being resolute about who you are),
  • accepting what is and always knowing when to take appropriate loving action when there is something you can change,
  • understanding that unconditional love holds the answer to all problems,
  • finding the compassion in any situation and forgiving freely,
  • giving freely with no attachment,
  • seeing divinity en-masse, with no exceptions,
  • knowing, at all times, that there is divine order,
  • knowing you are a part of the entire system called ‘life’ therefore stepping into unity consciousness,
  • honouring all life — in whatever shape or form, including self,
  • being comfortably in the world but not of it.

We need to face everything with resolution that all is in divine order.  Whatever is just is.  There is a peace that comes with this acceptance.  If you are fighting this phrase you still need to accept that there is divine order and that you are divine.

If you do feel this then when you are faced with a fear based situation, be the calm presence.

“There simply is no ‘ceasing to exist’ – even if you do leave your body behind.”

Even if this situation means death – all you have to do is state I AM THAT I AM.  If you die in fear you will generate a lesson that you will have to walk through again…yup, the good ‘ol wheel of karma.

If you die stating and knowing in your heart that you ARE the divine, you have accepted mastery.  You are in dharma or nirvana.  There simply is no ‘ceasing to exist’ — even if you do leave your body behind.  If you ascend with or without your body —state the I AM THAT I AM.

Your only job is to make sure you know what you are stating and that it is felt in your heart.

The Heart Chakra

When you are faced with fear, try to concentrate your energy on your heart center.  Feel your heart swell with love and gratitude for whatever brings you these feelings in your life – whether it be your children, grandchildren, pets, friends, anything that brings you joy and feelings of elation — this is how you will elevate yourself into a different frequency.  Now expand that feeling.

Practice this over and over again until you can switch on the sensation of immense love whenever you have to.  When you send out love and light to the world or to anyone or anything, make sure you are feeling the love in your heart centre (chakra).  This makes it more potent and it will bring more of that feeling back to you – so it’s a win-win situation.

When you love, there simply is no space left for fear.  You will be on a different vibratory plane.  Fear won’t ‘fit’ anymore.

Truth Be Told

I read a channeled message saying that we need to speak our truths.  If you don’t speak your truth for fear of what people may think of you, you are not ready.  That resonated with me and I am now fully motivated to stand up and say it like it is and if people think I’m a nutter, well, why the hell not!

I am proud to stand up at AA (abnormal anonymous – although not quite so anonymous anymore) and say, ‘Hi, my name is Cherie and I am completely abnormal.  But hey, I Am that I Am.’

The ascension is the awakening to your divine self, the knowledge that you are a part of God and the acceptance that everything has divine order and purpose.  In order to do this, you must also see this divinity en-masse — in everyone and everything.  How can peace and love not arise with this attitude?

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