3 Crucial Steps to Self Acceptance

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.”
Bernard Meltzer 

Forgive and Let Go

You may already be aware that to forgive another person does not condone their actions but frees you from bondage.

When you hold a grudge, you inadvertently hold yourself in a head-lock with the other person until you can forgive.  So, without releasing that person through the process of forgiveness, you tether yourself to him/her/them indefinitely.

If that’s not encouragement enough to start the process of forgiveness then I don’t know what is.

However, what I want to explore in this article is self-forgiveness.  A topic that can easily be misunderstood, brushed aside or not even thought of.

Surely it’s those people in our lives that have done us wrong that need our forgiveness, not ourselves?

Why You Can Be Your Worst Enemy

Funny thing is, a lot of us find it much easier to forgive others than to turn the action inwards.

It’s so much simpler to have the heart to exonerate another but we go into a flat tailspin when we start to dive into the watery abyss of all the things we’ve done to ourselves that need absolution.

You know what I mean, don’t you?

We have done so much harm to ourselves through:

  • Negative Self Talk
  • Missed Opportunities
  • Laziness
  • Fear
  • Stubbornness
  • Disrespecting Ourselves and Others (whatever harm you have done to another is a direct blow to yourself — there is no separation)
  • Lack of Willpower and the list goes on…

Have you forgiven yourself these indiscretions?

Steps You Can Take Today to Start the Healing Process

Do you know that we each have a shadow self?  A part of us that feels unworthy, guilt and shame.  Do you squash this part of yourself every time it pops up to say ‘Yo!’?

You’re not alone.

First things first — we are dichotomous by nature.  We live in a third dimension of duality and we experience the yin and yang, light and dark, feminine and masculine, good and evil aspects of everyday life…well…every day!

You can’t truly be a human being if you are not experiencing these dualistic traits on a daily basis.

And there is your gold!  We are ALL human — we ALL make mistakes.  Goodness me, if we were all to carry the blame and shame on our backs as a physical representation of how we feel about ourselves, we would all be seriously misshapen.

Isn’t it about time to embrace your duality in order to truly feel whole?

Here’s what you can do to start making peace with your faux pas’:

  • Know that you are required to make mistakes in order to grow, learn and have a contrast with which to work from (i.e. how would you know what you want if you don’t experience what you don’t want?).  Affirm:  I forgive myself for making mistakes and give myself permission to live to my best ability even if it means making more blunders.
  • Cut yourself some slack — to err is human, to forgive is divine and seeing you are both, I think you have permission to accept your mistakes and find the hidden gems within your ‘unworthy’ experiences.  Affirm:  I forgive myself and will look for the positive aspects of my seemingly negative actions and where they have brought me on my life path. 
  • Put the whip aside!  We are all guilty, I’m sure, of being an asshole at some point in our lives — it doesn’t mean you have to flay yourself for your lack of good judgment over and over again.  Be kind to yourself as you would any other.  Affirm:  I forgive myself and will not, from this point in time, rehash past mistakes to punish myself further.  I am whole.  I am human.  I am Divine.  I am.

You are proving your worth when you’ve tripped just by picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and carrying on down that yellow-brick road.  Be kind to yourself when you stumble and know that there is always a lesson in the fall.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
Mark Twain 

The true warrior always mines the mistakes for the treasures and let’s him/herself be at peace with making miscalculations.  This is divine balance and the acceptance of every aspect of the self.

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Lightworkers World

Other articles you may enjoy:

Only 50 Shades of Grey — What Happened to the Rest?

How Suppressing Your Shadow Self Can Destroy You

What a Thug Can Teach You About Love and Courage

The Freedom Checklist – What Every Human Being Needs to Know

3 Ways to Cure the Pushover Mentality

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Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?

What is Karma?

Many Faces Many Masks ©Photo by Cherie Roe Dirksen 1024x696 Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?If we are to dive into the deep end of the slippery abyss that causes us emotional flare-ups, we need to begin our journey with that tricky little boomerang energetic signature called karma.

So what exactly is karma?  In a nutshell, it is an action or deed that starts the cycle of cause and effect.  This can be carried over through many lifetimes or it can have the light of awareness shone on it and be resolved in one corporeal sojourn.

We are all in the process of learning and expanding our selves, karma is a way of balancing out any lingering dualistic energy.  It is not a form of punishment — I believe it is just a realigning or rebalancing of your soul.

The Uncomfortable Truth

Karma can be a great source of discomfort and why?  Because it demands that you go within yourself for answers.   Introspection is always difficult and most of us squirm at the thought of delving into our own psyche, akashic records or past life experiences for fear of what we might find there — this is perfectly normal.

However, the truth to any situation is found at the core of your being and one of the most effective ways to get at that core is to meditate (for those of you needing a little nudge to get meditating, here is a link to an article you may find useful: https://cherieroedirksen.com/2011/12/08/do-you-need-to-meditate-part-1/ ).  Another great way to identify your karma is to look for triggers.

What Are Triggers?

Triggers can come in the shape or form of things, situations or people that push your buttons.  So let’s throw in a few examples:

  • Things — let’s say you are afraid of snakes.  You may come up with a few reasons why you are.  One being that it is a rational fear – some snakes are poisonous and can be deadly.  However, there are many animals that are dangerous that you may not be frightened of — so this cannot be the only reason for your phobia.  This could very well be a karmic attribute that you have stumbled upon.
  • Situations — you could be someone who absolutely abhors going to a fairground.  You don’t know why but it gives you the willies.  Or, it could be that you can’t bear to stand on top of a high building or mountain.  These can all lead you to childhood or past-life traumatic events.
  • People — I’m sure this is the one you can relate to the most.  Yes, you know the ones I’m speaking of.  Those button-pushers, the instant reactivity conductors.  They could play a major part in your life lessons.  Go into why they trigger you so much and see if you can release them.

Dicing with Your Demons

If you do not address your causality then you will suffer the effect until you do take it out to scrutinize.  So, like the old proverb ‘a stitch in time saves nine’, make a timely effort now and prevent more work later on.   My advice:  Get stitching!

You have a choice to do the work now or later.  Though don’t kid yourself, it will have to be done at some point — postponing the inevitable only leads to greater suffering and denial.

I don’t want any long faces so let’s lighten this up a bit…

Play with a Fun Perspective

Hiden Treasure ©Photo by Cherie Roe Dirksen 1024x575 Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?If you can look at it more optimistically, it is like a treasure hunt – you are looking for clues to unravel the tapestry of your life and its microcosmic theatricals to unveil the macrocosmic self and its journey’s.

This, if looked at in the light of consciousness, can indeed be an epic adventure.  You will come across many synchronicities and pointers that will amaze you.  This divine matrix of life works its wiles to weave its multidimensional graft of art and all of it is for your benefit.  As Yoda might say, ‘honored you should be!’

Banish the Inner Judge

Hold back any judgment you may want to pass on others and yourself.  Just let what has happened rise to the surface to be examined, appreciated (i.e. give thanks for the lesson that you have learnt) and then let it go.

I can hear you say, ‘this all sounds fantastic but what can I realistically do to take the first steps of releasing karma once I have found it?’

You do the Ho’oponopono.

Ho’opono-what?

It’s a remedy I got from a dear friend.  It is a prayer from the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.  Give it a try:

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you

Now let’s get to the juicy bit…what comes after karma?

Dharma without the ‘Greg’

Hiding ©Photo by Cherie Roe Dirksen 515x1024 Are You Playing Russian Roulette With Your Karma?When you can release your karma you are able to step into Dharma (and I’m not talking about that sitcom from the nineties).  Dharma, in this sense, is simply getting back to basics and being present with the natural law of the universe – it is a state of nirvana, that ‘inner peace’ we all search for.

You will be tested, however, and karma – even when it is resolved – can, and most certainly will, be thrown at your feet time and time again for you to pick up and be drawn back into the drama.

This is where you, from your calm centered place of dharma, will rise above the drama.  You will be able to detect and single out your karma when you are aware of the programs you have been running and the lessons you needed to learn.

Bring in your awareness to any of these arising issues and recognize them for what they are.

Easier Said than Done?

For sure, but just remember that when you bring awareness to any situation you have already shone 50% of the light on it.

When you can observe the nasty little head of karma, as it seeks to lure you back into 3D reality dramas, you will be able to be the calm, grounded entity who knows thyself.  You will be able to say ‘no, thank you — I am moving forward in my life not backwards’, and you can simply walk away.

Yes, you can walk away!  You are the still presence that is the walking example, guiding others to their inner knowledge.  When your friends and family (and button-pushers) start realizing that they no longer have any effect on you, they are going to want what you have.

Guess what?  You are probably going to want to give it to them to — because spreading the light is what you do best!

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Lightworkers World

Other articles you may enjoy:

Finding God and a Reason for Being Here

Live Like You Mean It — Live With Conviction!

 

 

Letting Go For Your Own Good — Detaching Out Of Love

Bluebird

What is Detachment?

Detachment is letting go of worldly dramas and living in true peace.

To still be able to love your ‘neighbour’ unconditionally but to not get involved in any kind of drama whatsoever.

Every emotion you experience in this life is a choice.  As soon as you feel resistance to someone or something or a pull to engage in conflict, you have re-entered the world of drama.

How can I truly Detach?

There are two different types of detachment, that I know of.

1.  Detaching with Love

white poppyWhen you detach with love you have a feeling of being in exquisite peace with the world.  You bear NO resentment, anger or aggression to anyone or anything.  You are in a state of allowing and you are working with your heart centre.

“To detach with love means that you are in the understanding that there is always more than meets the eye to any given situation.”

When you work with your heart centre you see the divine in everyone and everything.  You can see past the ‘drama’ of circumstances and situations.  You can see right to the very core of conflict and feel compassion, even for those whose opinions and actions differ from yours severely.

To detach with love means that you are in the understanding that there is always more than meets the eye to any given situation.

“Never assume to know the ins and outs of another souls journey.”

You are only observing a surface reality to a much deeper library of events that have led up to this scenario.  ‘Scenario’ in this case could be a life situation or even a certain person.  You see, we have no clue as to another souls journey, you can make assumptions and piece certain bits of information together, but, ultimately, you are not seeing the entire multi-layered picture.

Never assume to know the ins and outs of another souls journey.  This must be respected and a person who is truly detached in love, knows this and let’s it be.  Even if this soul is someone very close to you.  Every soul that incarnates here has their own life lessons to learn in their own chosen way.

We all come into this life with freewill and the ability to choose what we want to experience, even if this means we make the wrong choices.  Sometimes this has to happen for you to learn and grow.

Some people don’t learn their lessons in time but you have to respect that souls journey and choices.  You are not responsible for any adult human being but yourself, all you can offer is your unconditional love (even if it is from afar) and your support when it is needed.

Judgment is never wise, always try to find the compassion in any situation.

2. Detaching out of Fear

The other form of detachment is that of letting go out of exhasperation.

You feel cornered and frustrated, so your reflex is to detach to protect yourself from further hurt.  This must not be mistaken for detaching out of love, which is heart centred. Detaching out of fear is a lower chakra energy.

“Going within is not easy but nothing of true importance ever really is.”

You may even be experiencing negative lower chakra symptoms such as constipation (not being able to let go) or stomach upsets (solar plexus signal of anxiety/worry).

If you feel that you are detaching out of fear, then it is best to go into it.  Give yourself some space and time to meditate.  See meditation blog HERE.

The worst thing you can do is carry on and sweep whatever is bothering you under the rug.  Going within is not easy but nothing of true importance ever really is.  You need to do this inner work to truly gain closure for yourself.  Without this closure you will not be ready to move on to the next stage of development.

Forgive

BeachedA lot of the time, people tend to hang on to their past hurts.  This is not self-serving.  To forgive another for something will not only affect that person positively (and if you don’t want them to be affected positively, this is another sign that you need to see the divine in others to be able to detach with love) but it will liberate you.

I have devoted a whole chapter in my book ‘Divine You — Redefining Love in the New Earth’ to forgiveness.  If you are having trouble with letting go then I suggest you read it.

Trust

So if you feel that you are clinging onto something or someone, isn’t it about time to let it go?

Trust that the Universe will cushion your fall into the void of unconditional love.  You are the only one responsible for holding yourself back.

What are you still holding on to that you cannot let go of?  

Are you able to see how detaching with love could be a viable solution?

Do you feel that you may be detaching out of fear?

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CAUTION: God’s Gonna Kick Your Ass!

The Prodigal Son

We all know the biblical parable of the Prodigal Son (if you don’t click here).

Long story really short:  Two sons are given their inheritance before the father dies.  One son does the ‘right’ thing and works for his father, the other son squanders his lot and comes crawling back to the father.  The father takes him in as if nothing has happened and celebrates (much to the discontent of the other brother who feels it isn’t fair).

Well, is that fair?

I think so…

God’s Gift of Freewill

This is a great analogy for God.  I don’t think God’s going to punish anybody for taking a detour on the path, or even if you completely stray off this path.

“I don’t think God is going to kick anyone’s butt in heaven for missed opportunity or bad behaviour.”

God gives all of us many gifts, whether they be in the form of talents, love or friendships, etc.  What we do with them is up to us but I don’t think He is going to be upset if we don’t use them.

I don’t think God is going to kick anyone’s butt in heaven for missed opportunity or bad behaviour.  God gave us freewill and this is the one gift we do use whether it is deemed ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

“Our choice is our gift to ourselves, we bring to our own table that which we experience.  “

We have this blessed gift of choice.  We will be our own judges and our misgivings will be our remorses.  God is that parent who does not judge, only accepts what is.

Please read my blog Does God Love Us Unconditionally? HERE

Choices

Our choice is our gift to ourselves, we bring to our own table that which we experience.

Nobody can tell you what to do but you can take advice.

My advice is this:  Take responsibility for your life.  If you feel you are in alignment with your integrity then that is great!  Whether someone else is not in alignment and you notice this, it is none of your business unless you are asked by that person for help.

You should not judge them for the path they are taking.  You don’t know where that path may inevitably lead them.  That is why you should not interfere.  If you are asked for assistance by them, then that soul has made a choice.  That is why you may help when you are asked to help.

Take Responsibility

In taking responsibility for your life, as in the honourable son from the Prodigal Son parable, you are not being a burden on anyone else.  This feels like the noble thing to do, doesn’t it?

“We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus purely on how harmonized we are with our purpose.”

It doesn’t really matter if your sibling is doing the opposite to you in their life and your parent still welcomes them back with open arms.  The father in this parable was right and his son should have rather rejoiced to have his brother back instead of feeling hard done by because all his efforts weren’t rewarded.  I think his reward far outweighs the ‘lost’ son in that he got to spend more valuable time with his father.  The other brother may regret this for the rest of his life.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus purely on how harmonized we are with our purpose.  Replace judgment with compassion and understanding.

Have you ever felt resentment?  Are you still feeling that way?  Can you perhaps choose to see things differently now?

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The Shocking Truth About Gender Equality

Women are Men and Men are Women 

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus?  This may seem to be the case when we are living in linearity with an illusory divide that is the separation between the two genders of humanity. But let’s look at why this statement is lacking a quantum perspective.

The Healing of the Female/Male Painbody

I feel like I was born into this world with a female painbody (for those of you who are not familiar with the word ‘painbody’ — a word coined by Eckhart Tolle — I am referring to the collective emotion/pain of being a woman).

” …the divide between men and women and the issue of inequality is monumentally better than just even one generation ago…”

The frustration of feeling equal in all but strength to a man can be overwhelming when faced with situations of unequal pay, if you are female, not being taken seriously with your political or even general views, etc.

I have to say that we are living in a day and age where the divide between men and women and the issue of inequality is monumentally better than just even one generation ago, let alone 300 years ago.  But there is still work to be done.  And in fact, it is such a simple thing that we need to do — to address inequality — that I have all confidence and hope that this generation will be the ones to effect change.

 Reconciling the History of Pain

The collective ‘painbody’ of the female goes way back.

“…the basic stripping down of the divine feminine and subjugating her to a life of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. “

As you can imagine, we are talking about biblical times where women were practically written out of the bible or if they did make an appearance they were usually whores or harlots;  the witch burning crusades of the Spanish Inquisition;  the basic stripping down of the divine feminine and subjugating her to a life of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

During my lifetime, I have pondered these many harsh historical tales and it has made me feel quite angry about being a woman.

I Want to be a Man

For most of my life I always wanted to be a man, this would have seemed to solve a lot of my frustrations.  Until I had my recent epiphany that has made me see this from a completely new perspective.

And hooray for this new revelation because now I can say with confidence ‘I LOVE BEING A WOMAN!’.

 Blood, Sweat and Tears…Literally

I woke up last week and had started my period.  I ambled downstairs and sat on the couch while I had my first cup of the morning and tried to wake up.

“A mixture of feelings had overcome me and I wasn’t too sure about the outburst.”

After just sitting there for about an hour I burst into tears.  A mixture of feelings had overcome me and I wasn’t too sure about the outburst.  So I thought to myself it’s just PMS and I am in pain so ergo the tears.

This  made me feel even more frustrated and the crying didn’t stop.  My dear husband came and sat with me during the outburst and offered consolation.  I then asked him if he minded me ‘spilling my guts’ to him in an attempt to purge myself of what I was feeling.  He agreed and the deluge began.

Frustration and Compassion

It started with me telling him my frustrations over how my period made me feel – sore, dirty, uncomfortable and, worst of all, judged.

I let it out that I was frustrated about how most women are judged or perceived as being a little ‘mental’ when they are menstruating.  I verbalized the injustice in this as your body does go crazy and it is mostly out of your control.

“When you don’t understand something, don’t judge it – just let it be and show compassion.”

Perhaps, some men just don’t get the fact that your body is being stormed with hormones and you don’t know your arse from your elbow.  The key to this is empathy – compassion.  When you don’t understand something, don’t judge it – just let it be and show compassion.  That’s all, it’s very simple.  Support and compassion.

No Stopping Me Now

The tears, however, did not abate.

I had just read a chapter in a book the night before that stated that women who have sex out of a ‘sins of the flesh’ or in lustful way have pain during childbirth.

Now I have heard of orgasmic childbirths and I have no quarrel with this statement as, perhaps, children who are conceived through the purest of intentions and love may very well be born differently – turning pain into ecstasy.

But my female painbody sprung into action!

  • What about all the men who have lustful ‘sins of the flesh’ type sex?
  • What is the pain that they are to bear?
  • A man is even guaranteed an orgasm if conception has taken place, where the woman is not guaranteed anything – how unfair!
  • Why must a woman take on the misgivings of these combined activities?

Utter frustration was gripping me as I tackled this concept.  I was back in the throngs of the painbody.

Collapse and then Rebuild

Whilst my husband took a break from the festivities of the couch, I sat sobbing into my tissue.

As I was in this moment I felt arms around me.  Whether they were the arms of my guides, angels or higher self, they were so comforting.

Then I heard a whisper in my ear:

 “Now what if you were a man in your previous life and all these men who ‘don’t get women’ were actually women themselves in past life experiences – you have incarnated here on this earth plane and you have forgotten all past life experiences”. 

Now I do know this concept that we have had numerous past lives and the likelihood of having experienced various different lives in various different genders makes sense.

No More Duality, Thank You!

Then the penny dropped (and along with it a lot of frustration):  All men in this current lifetime have been women, have given birth, have probably been raped or abused, have been put down, have suffered extremities and loss.

“We are all one and the same!  Duh.”

All women in this current lifetime have been soldiers and/or warriors, have done hard labour, have perhaps been abusers, have suffered bloodshed and loss just like anyone.  We are all one and the same!  Duh.

Most have just forgotten.

The voice then whispered again in my ear, “Now say the opposite”.  I wondered what the voice meant and then I realized that I had been repeatedly sobbing into my tissue ‘I hate being a woman!’…I tried it, ‘I love being a woman!’  I felt a great sense of relief and sincerity when I voiced this.

So, in figuring that one out I sat there – in silence.  So what is the solution.  This makes me feel a bit better but it still doesn’t solve everything.

Speaking Trinity with an Angel

Then I remembered something that Archangel Metatron had told me in one of my dowsing sessions.  He said that we need to redefine the trinity as love, healing coupled with compassion and this will lead us to mastery.

The Conclusion and New Beginnings

My conclusion is that through the love of each other, crossing every divide – be it gender or race, religion or political view – we will allow ourselves to empathize with each other and to have compassion.

“We are the yin and the yang.  There is no separation – this is an illusion.”

When we can walk alongside each other and lift each other up and offer support when and where it is needed, we will be masters.

When gender is no longer an issue and the problems that either gender is facing in the NOW is met with compassion and understanding, we will be equal.  Because we know, deep down inside what it feels like to be both man or woman.

When you buy into the illusion of separation, this leads to fear, misery and frustration.  See past the illusion of gender and you are just the I AM.

Just love who you are now.

Be grateful for who you are now.


Is Your Past Tripping Up Your Future?

A very common condition

AttitudeAre you living in the past, rehashing past traumas and situations?  Do you feel like you want to let go but just can’t?

“Whether you are experiencing regret, sorrow, guilt, shame or a number of other lower vibrational anxieties, you need to let go and detach.”

So many people live this way and can’t seem to move on.  When you find your mind wandering to situations or incidents that have happened, you are living in the past.  Whether you are experiencing regret, sorrow, guilt, shame or a number of other lower vibrational anxieties, you need to let go and detach.

Detaching from your past

This time of the year sometimes gives rise to uncomfortable ‘quiet moments’ where there is nothing to do and we are faced with the possibility of ‘inner reflection’.  These situations are sometimes mistaken for depression or that feeling of being ‘let down’ by the holidays   for not living up to your expectations, or — perhaps, living up too much to your expectations and now you have nothing to look forward to.  Sound familiar?

“These issues that we sweep under the rug are lessons.”

These times should be taken to explore the residue of past reflections.  Is there something that you have been burying down, deep inside?  Something that yearns to be re-addressed but you simply don’t feel like giving it an audience for fear of having to ‘feel’ all over again?

These issues that we sweep under the rug are lessons.  In order to walk through, or pass, a lesson, we must face it.  This can sometimes be painful but it is necessary.  It may be initially an uncomfortable issue to reconstitute but when you have seen the lesson that you have gleaned from it, you can put it to rest forever.  Never having to face that feeling of unresolved emotion trying to rear its head at you.

“You are always capable of graduating from the class of karma.”

blue butterfly pngWe are here to explore and experience.  Some of these experiences are brought over from past lives or early childhood traumas.  You are always capable of graduating from the class of karma.   You never set up anything for yourself that you cannot handle.  With courage in your toolkit, you can search the hidden meanings of your unresolved issues and find the lessons so that you can graduate to the next level of learning.

You are the driver

Only you can do this as no-one else knows your inner workings.  Never look outside of yourself to anyone or anything to ‘fix’ you.  Only you can do that.  You can seek advice and help along your path but inevitably, you do need to do the work.

“Have both your feet firmly in the present!”

What better way to start the new year than to truly start it afresh?  Face your ‘demons’ with compassion and a yearning to learn from past mistakes and you will be creating a much brighter future for yourself without the need to constantly have one foot in the past.  Have both your feet firmly in the present!

Good luck on your journey into the new year and I wish you all the best life you can possibly dream up for yourself.

Taking Things Personally Could Be Ruining Your Life

Caught in Blue by Cherie Roe Dirksen

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Be Honest With Yourself

Are you easily offended? When you take something personally or are affronted, you are — in a claustrophobic little nutshell — agreeing with what has been said about you.

Does this ring true or are you shaking your head profusely?

When you feel offended you are agreeing with the offender because it has touched a nerve. Let’s try unravel more of this…

Nerves Weren’t Always Twisted, You Know

If someone tried to hurt you, or perhaps even inadvertently, says something to you that you don’t agree with – no problem – you usually shrug off this kind of ‘offense’ because it really doesn’t bother you.

For example: You are happy with your appearance and feel you are a fine specimen, someone passes by in a vehicle and shouts out ‘hey, freak!’

Here is your moment; do you agree with that or not? If you are 100% confident that you are a perfectly chic human being then you would most likely shrug the comment off and have a good laugh.

Why? Simply because you don’t agree with the statement.

“Who get’s to be the judge and jury on what is deemed beautiful accepted or hideous? The tabloids? Hollywood?”

Now, if you think you are ‘okay’ looking but there could be room for improvement, or, in the extreme, if you are someone with downright low self-esteem, this statement would be devastating because a part of you, or perhaps – most of you, agrees with this. You are shocked that someone else has found you out!

You thought if you could keep your head down no-one would notice you but here someone has clearly seen your faults. This feels like a low blow and you become all knotted up in your stomach (solar plexus area).

The Illusion of Appearance

The ultimate fear of imperfection and/or of not being accepted is, of course, an illusion.

Who get’s to be the judge and jury on what is deemed beautiful accepted or hideous? The tabloids? Hollywood? Just spare a thought as to who you give your power over to, that which dictates what beauty and normal is, and try to see that it is all fake.

True beauty and acceptance is in the eye of the beholder. So anyone claiming to know what beauty or normal definitely is needs very close examining if they are not including every member of the human race in their synopsis.

To agree with anyone over anything stemming from feelings of lack would be disempowering.

“The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to be taken on within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at – and to either change or accept.”

The same could be said over someone slighting your intelligence. If you don’t feel stupid then any snide remark over your competence could be easily overlooked but if you are worried about what others think, a dig at your IQ could mean the world to you.

Are You to Blame?

This is not truly the fault of the insulter (although they will have to deal with their contribution via their karma) – it is actually your fault.

Yeah, it sounds harsh and it is. But if we are going to get real about this we need to dive right into the core of the problem and bring it up for close scrutiny.

The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to be taken on within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at – and to ultimately change or accept.

Although you probably won’t want to give them a gold medal for their efforts at the time, I assure you that some people are in this life to push your buttons — in a seemingly unloving way — to actually give you the opportunity to reconsider your belief structures.

This may be on a level that even they are not aware of.

If there are no buttons to push, then you can walk away head held high knowing that it is something you have overcome or never had a doubt about in the first place.

It is the slights that leave us feeling wounded that mean that we have a program still running within us that wants to be ended, a cache that needs clearing.

What Insults You?

You have to be cruel in examining these beliefs in order to be kind to yourself.

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We all face difficult, dark moments of self-realization, when we see the agreements we have made about ourselves and have to try to turn it around. When you can out these undesirable contracts you can begin to repair them.

We have to discover why we felt the lack and how we are feeling now about the same issue. Then we must align it to our higher self by breaking down the agreement piece by piece and offer it up to the light to be cleansed.

What do I mean by this?

This simply means to shed light on a problem. When it has come to our full attention we can dissemble it and make a new beneficial agreement about ourselves.

We need to look at ourselves and find the beauty inherent in us, not always trying to fish out our perceived faults. When you treat yourself with loving kindness and nurture your self-esteem with positive thoughts, you will begin to shift into alignment with your higher self.

“However, we must consider that some things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant by the offender, so we really need to see why we made the agreement.”

Some of these agreements we made at a very young age. When we are young we have no inhibitions and sang at the top of our voices, danced our hearts out (whether someone was looking or not) and thought we were princesses and superheroes.

Then one day someone came along and made you feel less than what you felt about yourself. You may have paused to take it in – then you made a crucial decision.

Making the Agreement

Either you agreed with what they said or you didn’t. That is why some of us can still dance freely and not be bothered whilst others cringe at the thought of dancing in public – this could be due to an earlier experience of being made to feel like you were ‘no good’ by someone who was only giving you one piece of the puzzle.

What Puzzle?

When I said that the person was only giving one piece of the puzzle I mean that they have a preference based on their version of reality.

That is one person’s perspective in a sea of other possible candidates – ones who may have loved your form of expression.

This person could have also been a child, an acquaintance, a stranger or it could have been someone you trusted and loved deeply. The latter is often the case and can make the hurt twice as strong.

However, we must consider that some things are said in the heat of the moment and not really meant by the offender, so we really need to see why we made the agreement.

“We sometimes tend to disregard the ones who encourage us, leaving only space in our thoughts for the ones who hurt us.”

You also need to know that you can never have universal appeal with absolutely everyone.

You or your talents may not be one person’s cup of tea but what about all the other people in the world who will resonate with your particular brand of uniqueness.

Neither being important though because it is ultimately you who needs to please you. When you do this then you are immediately accepted and no outside influence can make you feel anything other than what you know yourself to be.

“Without diversity in hair colour, body shapes, talents, voices, tastes, etc we would be tantamount to sheep running around in a field day in and day out – bah-bah-boring!”

We sometimes tend to disregard the ones who encourage us, leaving only space in our thoughts for the ones who hurt us.

Why is this, I wonder?

Everyone has the urge to be liked and accepted for who they are. This is normal. But what we need to redefine is what is normal?

Every soul is special and has equally unique attributes, abilities and ways of expressing themselves creatively. There should be no judgment.

What do We do About That Sheeple Judge?

When there is judgment on this, we must question the one doing the judging.

Without freedom of expression this world would be a very dull place. Without diversity in hair colour, body shapes, talents, voices, tastes, etc we would be tantamount to sheep running around in a field day in and day out – bah-bah-boring!

Love your difference, embrace yourself.

Begin to discover, on the deepest level, who you truly are and what you have done – not only in this lifetime but in the countless life experiences you have had. Draw on the wealth of talents you have that you haven’t even begun to extract from your being.

Know Thyself!

As the oracle in the movie The Matrix had written above her kitchen door: ‘Know thyself’ (a long-established ancient Greek aphorism).

When you do, there is nothing anyone can say or do to you that would ever hurt you because you will be resolute as to who you are and nobody can take that away from you, unless you allow them to.

 “Empowerment comes from fearing no-thing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart.”

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When you are living with the statement ‘be the best you can be’ and you are doing this with all your integrity and might then you have nothing to fear.

Empowerment comes from fearing no-thing and facing every day with courage and love in your heart. Strive to be the best and do the best you can in every situation and you will be living in your integrity and you will know yourself.

Then words or energy that does not fit with your frequency or vibration will not even penetrate your field of self. You have become the master of your life and your reality.

Something worth looking into, wouldn’t you say?

Do you have something that you just can’t not take personally?  What is it and can you perhaps trace when you made the agreement?

Other articles you may enjoy:

7 Things I Wish I Knew when I Was a Teenager

12 Things Successful People Do To Excel

6 Tips on How to Get to Where You Want to Be

Is Assumption Killing Your Relationship?

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One of the Most Poignant Taboos

I would like to delve into the ‘spiritual taboos‘ – maybe you’ve heard of them, maybe you haven’t.  Either way, they are significant enough to address (or re-address as the case may be).

These are concepts put across through the masterful words and teachings, derived from Toltec wisdom, of Don Miguel Ruiz

He sweetened them up by calling them the ‘4 Agreements’ whereas I have used the word ‘taboo’ as a mere marketing ploy to attract your attention.  As shameful as that is, I did it with the noblest of intentions.  We need to hear this – over and over if that be the case.

“To ‘sin’ is to go against your self or to ‘miss the mark’.”

Before we start with these tantalizing taboos, I want to address what it means to sin.  To ‘sin’ is to go against your self or to ‘miss the mark’.  So, go easy on yourself if you see that you have been performing or have been lured into the web of some of these sticky concepts.

Guidelines Along Your Path 

LavenderYou are on a path to enlightenment (consciously or unconsciously — preferably the former) and when you embark on such a journey you need a basis of comparison.

We have chosen this particular journey into the realms of the soul, so acknowledge your choices and correct them if it suits you.  These guidelines are merely a way to steer you to counter balance your integrity if you do ‘miss the mark’.

The key is to be aware at all times and to realign when you need to.  Oh and did I forget to say FORGIVE yourself if you slip?  These taboos are difficult to master but they can be mastered.  When the seed has been planted as to what they are, it will be up to you – consciously or, sometimes, unconsciously – to water them into fruition.

Assumption — A Deal Breaker!

In this article we are going to address the one spiritual taboo called ‘assumption’.  It is a much overlooked and yet one of the most predominantly adopted characteristic of modern-day society.

A more lighthearted look at this word sees the word ‘ass’ ‘u’ and ‘me’…”

To assume is to not be in full command with the truth or fact.  When we assume something we try to interpret, through sometimes limited knowledge or resources, what the truth might be.  We then run with this perceived outcome, sometimes even starting to believe it to be factual without proof.  It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?  It is.

A more lighthearted look at this word sees the word ‘ass’ ‘u’ and ‘me’.  How succinct, seeing as assuming does normally make an ass out of one or both parties.

Alas, all humour aside, it is something we do too frequently without much thought of the consequences of our minds presumptuous actions.  This is not only dangerous but it is a detrimental factor in limiting us in relationships and with life in general.

Our minds are powerful, this is something most of us know and are starting to quantumly comprehend, so when you mentally construct a truth and play it out over and over in your mind you can either

(a) entirely convince yourself of it’s truth or

(b) bring that scenario into play in reality – in other words, give form to your thought (Law of Attraction).

“When we assume we are potentially shutting a door to further knowledge or clarification.”

Assumptions cloud our discernment and play on our fears.  When we assume we are potentially shutting a door to further knowledge or clarification.

Assumption at Work

GirlLet’s say you assume your husband is having an affair because he has lipstick on his collar.  You do not confront him, fearing the truth to be what you imagine.  You start to treat him differently, as if you are positive that his activities are dubious.  He has no idea why you are acting this way.

Cold shoulders and snide remarks rule the roost.  This could go on for days, weeks or even, God forbid, turn into years of total distrust if it goes unconfronted.  There could be so many reasons and outcomes to this situation but let’s take a look at just three potentials:

  1.  He was having an affair
  2. A lady bumped into him whilst he was travelling in a lift leaving a trace of her lipstick on the side of his collar
  3.  If the latter was the case – you could have irreparably alienated your husband and driven him into the arms of another through your assumptions and unfounded suspicions.   So in this case, you have actually given form or materialized the original fear based on an assumption that was not the truth.  You have forced the undesired outcome.

“Any situation can be resolved.  You never choose any experience in this life without there being a solution.  The only thing standing in your way is your perception of what you want the outcome to look like. “

Don’t assume.  You will undoubtedly pay the consequences.

Always ask.  Communication is one of the keys to living in your integrity.  Always steer yourself towards the light of truth, no matter how hard the truth may be.  Burying the truth will always lead to more pain eventually.

Any situation can be resolved.

You never choose any experience in this life without there being a solution.  The only thing standing in your way is your perception of what you want the outcome to look like.  Sometimes only time can tell whether something serves us or not.

Assumption can lead to a lot of unwarranted unhappiness.  Ever heard of ‘stewing in your own juices’?  Don’t do it!  Rather get to the core of the situation – the source, the truth.

What’s the Alternative then? 

ButterflyAn exercise to try out would be to identify and stop yourself when you are assuming something (big or small).  See if there are any alternatives to your assumptions.  In other words, we often tend to gravitate towards being more negative with our assumptions.

An example would be:

Your friend hasn’t called you in ages, she normally phones you regularly.  You assume she no longer likes you or you have said something to offend her when in fact there may be several reasons for her lack of communication – none of them even involve you!

“You form ideas based on it (assumption) and then your neural pathways fix and that idea becomes your ‘reality’.”

So, try to either get the facts or quell the desire to reach an assumed conclusion.  When you go into this more deeply you will begin to unravel a lot of ‘baggage’ that your mind sets up through the act of assumption.  You form ideas based on it and then your neural pathways fix and that idea becomes your ‘reality’.

Harmful ‘Petty’ Assumptions

Let’s say that you see your neighbour shouting at his children.  You assume that he has anger issues and that he is a bad father.

The truth of the matter may be that you have just caught him on an incredibly stressful day –  he could be father of the year for all you know – but there you have made a mental construct, not through years of getting to know him, but through a momentary reaction that has now tainted your view of his personality and parental skills.

You may even do further damage and air your opinions about him to others leading to an even greater adverse effect on his reputation based on your unfounded assumptions.

“If you can just come to the realization that you are assuming you can begin to change it…” 

Now, how often do we do this?  If you can just come to the realization that you are assuming – become conscious of this behavioral pattern in yourself – you can begin to change it and in doing so you can save yourself a lot of anguish that, more often than not, leads to so much heartache and misunderstanding.

What stories of assumption can you identify with and tell us about?  Are there any you are making now and don’t know how to stop?  Share your experiences and feel free to ask any questions.

Related Articles:

Do You Take Things Personally?

9 Truths About Letting Go of Opinions that Taint Us

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