7 Ways to Tame the Ego and Become Instantly Likeable

 “If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the 
internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need 
to be approved, and the need to judge.” ~ Deepak Chopra

What is the Ego?

I remember having a conversation with someone once, we were talking about Eckhart Tolle and the ego identification.  The lady I was talking to piped up and said, ‘well, I don’t have an ego’.

“Do you get that an ego is the identification you have with your self and who you are, what you do and how others perceive you?”

Let me make this perfectly clear:  Everybody has an ego!  Here is the dictionary definition of this fruity little word:

e·go – 

  1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
  2. the part of you that reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.
  3. egotism; conceit; self-importance.
  4. self-esteem or self-image; feelings.
  5. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.

Aligning with Your Awareness of Ego

Book Cover CARPE DIEM OR BUST

Read this authors latest book – Paperback available at Amazon and other leading bookstores for $8.99

Are you a prancing show-pony or a shrinking violet?  Either one has an imbalanced sense of self.

Now that we have cleared up the myth of the ego being only a no. 3 definition of the strutting peacock itching to get recognition and praise, we can move on to ways of coping with your ego.

“Ego is the biggest enemy of humans” ~ Rig Veda

Do you get that an ego is the identification you have with your self and who you are, what you do and how others perceive you?

So even someone who is timid and an introvert has a problem with ego identification.  It is just in reverse but the principle remains.  When you feel yourself either inferior or superior to others — you have ego issues.

Disidentifying With the Ego

The ego is an inseparable part of you, it is not the enemy.  It is how you let your ego use you that can be detrimental to the quality of your life.

“Masters know when to speak, when to be silent and when their words will be like farting against thunder.”

I am, in no way, saying that the ego needs suppression or containment, just proper management and understanding — it’s as simple as that.  Your ego identification is an integral part of you, and like the universal concept that we are both yin and yang/light and dark, you need it.  You are a unique individual with irrevocable personality traits in your toolkit — this is the part of ego that can be embraced.  The key is to see this beautiful quality in every other soul.

Here is the pitfall of the ego — it wants to be separate from the whole, better than the rest and put itself somewhere untouchable.  This is the downfall of our current society, it is a separatist theory that pits people against each other and keeps them in an ‘us against them’ mental construct.

This is the dangerous element of the ego — the total takeover and manipulation of the authentic self.  Unfortunately, most of our worlds cultures are primarily caught up in the subconscious identification of the ego.

So how can you disconnect and tame your ego?

Let’s Spring Clean this Concept

There are 7 fundamental principles to keeping your ego in check.  Let’s explore them now:

  • Water Off a Ducks Back — do not take things
    personally.  When you do, you are subconsciously (or consciously) in agreement with whatever you have taken offense at.  This can leave you in constant need for validation from external sources which is the need of the ego.  Be at peace with what other people think of you, even if it is not congruent with how you see yourself.  You are never going to have universal appeal, there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like you — get over it now and save yourself any future distress.  Acceptance of what is is key.  For more about this in-depth trait, click here: Do You Take Things Personally?
  • Think Before You Speak — honour the power of your words and you will honour not only others but your sense of self.  Choose your words wisely.  You will be in control instead of having a hurtful motor-mouth.  People will pick up on this and return it in kind.  Practicing the integrity of your words will result in a better quality of life for yourself and those with whom you interact.
  • Hold Your Tongue — the ego loves to make itself right.  A common trap to fall into is trying to make someone else see that you are right. Really?  Is it that important for you to force someone to see life through your eyes and perceptions?
    No, that is your ego trying to justify itself.  Masters know when to speak, when to be silent and when their words will be like farting against thunder.  Control over your mouth is like having control over your sphincter muscle at a dinner party.  Exercise it and you will notice how easy it becomes to have total control of outbursts or having to explain yourself constantly. The best book I ever read about learning to be impeccable with your words is ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz (a must have for your spiritual library).
  • Don’t Buy into the Labels — get in touch with who you really are and reconnect
    to your source or core being.  Look past the labels and identifications that society plasters you with.  You are not your profession, you are not the role you play in your family or community.  You are a special individual spark of the Divine that is nameless and authentic.  Get to grips with that through meditation (click here for an article about 5 Easy Steps to Meditating).
  • Quit Comparisons — learn to be comfortable in your own skin.  There is no-one in the world like you — from your individual fingerprints to all the exclusive experiences your soul has accumulated.  Comparing yourself to others is another trick of the ego — don’t fall for it.  Fall in love with yourself (read an article about this HERE).
  • Count Your Blessings — instead of complaining about all the things that are wrong with your physical appearance and situation, try to see all the positive
    aspects of your life and body.
  • See Divinity En-Masse — don’t try to elevate yourself above or bury yourself below others.  You are part of a collective consciousness of Divine souls here on Earth.  See the divinity in yourself and see it in others too.  The ego won’t be able to do this.  If you are finding resistance, you need to go into why you can’t accept that your fellow human beings are just as much a part of God as you are.  To see the internal beauty in another will put you on a level playing field instead of comparing yourself and others and passing dangerous judgments.

Why Will This Guarantee My Success?

How to Train Your Dragon of an Ego by Cherie Roe Dirksen

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When you tame the ego, you are paving the way for smooth and easy life flow.  You relinquish judgments, comparisons and the need to be or feel superior.  This is a frequency that you will project and I guarantee that people will be attracted to you.  People standing in their truth and integrity are like moths to a flame — be it in your personal or professional life.

Your ego won’t go away but you can have control over it instead of it running amuck with you.

When you do have control, you will never feel the need for superiority nor inferiority to any one else.  You simply are — a state of grace, least resistance and an inner knowing of peace.  Now isn’t that something worth going after?

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Don’t Let the World Get You Down!

How to be in the world but not of it

As things stand now, you are most likely reading this blog from a computer somewhere on planet earth.  My marvelous skills of deduction are quite remarkable, I know.

We seem to all be in the same boat, paddling around in circles, paddling against the current or drifting out to sea.  How can we be in this beautiful world but not let it get us down?

Let’s face it, there is a lot of stuff that can, and does, lower our spirits and dampen our whetted desire to be on this planet.  But then, when we look around, we see that this planet is an exquisite paradise, filled with beauty, intrigue and adventure.

Why is it that life can be so damn tough when there is also so much fun to be had?

Heaven on Earth?

There is a simple truth to life.  We can create heaven on earth but we can also create our own personal form of hell.

Our very thoughts and actions will determine which destination we end up in.

Are you living in fear?  Meet Jack Soap…

When you live in fear you are perpetuating fear.

Let me give you an example.  If Jack Soap listens to the news constantly on the radio (which primarily reports bad news and how terrible the world out there is, along with all there is to be fearful of), he will be in a conscious or even unconscious negative frame of mind.  His preset to life will be tainted with a neuro-linguistic programming of doubt and fear.

You may even find that Jack has a preconceived idea that he should trust no-one.  He may even not like to venture outside his own home, let alone comfort zone, for fear of being attacked.  He may even cringe at the thought of an overseas holiday, he’ll think you mad if you were to suggest such nonsense, what with all the potential terrorists on-board planes these days!

Poor Jack may not even realize that there is a sunny and bright side to life.  It is as if he could be living on a different planet to John.

Are you living in love? Meet John Doe…

Meet John Doe (yes, alright!  I know my pseudonyms leave something to be desired).  He enjoys listening to uplifting music rather than put on the news.  He enjoys walks in the park and getting in touch with nature.

He sees the beauty that the world has to offer.  He smiles at people as he walks along his path and they smile back.  He is certain that there is goodness in everybody because that is his experience.

John is living in the world and enjoying it.  He is not letting the world dictate his experience, he is dictating his own experience.  He is detaching from potential drama because he knows he has the choice to only focus on the positive aspects of life.

When John does this he is in control, he is mapping out his destiny according to what he wants to manifest.

He is not a victim of circumstance and he is certainly not an unconscious creator.

Jack vs John

Jack, on the other hand, is in the world and of the world.  He is getting trapped in the lower vibrational frequency of negativity and he is letting the world dictate his experience.

He is unconsciously creating an undesirable life.  He may not even be aware that he can change this at any time if he so wishes.

Jack was blessed with freewill, just like John.  Jack, however, can’t seem to see it.  He can’t take responsibility for his life choices because he feels he hasn’t made them.

But he has.

Whether he chooses to accept that or not, he has made his bed and he is tossing and turning in it.

Can you see the message behind the metaphor?  Be in the world not of it.

Freewill and Choice

Choose your experiences.  Choose what you expose yourself to.  Choose to engage in drama, or choose to love from afar and lend your support whilst creating strong, effective boundaries.

You do not have to get involved and bogged down in drama if you don’t want to.  You can always help those in need but you can do it with detachment.  This means that you can still help in this world but you are fully aware that it is not required that you get involved with a problem — most certainly not to the extent that it encapsulates you in drama.

Detachment

Detachment is not a word that describes the state of not caring.  Quite the opposite.  You care enough to help and you care enough about yourself to remain neutral.

Think of detachment like Switzerland — the neutral zone.  You can lend a hand but you are not getting hooked into anything.

You can live in this world, enjoy it and be mindful of the ‘drama’ and/or the negative aspect of life.  This will give you the freedom to pick and choose your experiences and know when to help and when to say no.

Do you feel that life is taking you for a ride?  Or are you in the drivers seat of your experience?  Share your stories…

Related Articles:

Are You Clinging on by Your Fingernails?

What Freddy Mercury Can Teach Us About Detachment

 

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CAUTION: God’s Gonna Kick Your Ass!

The Prodigal Son

We all know the biblical parable of the Prodigal Son (if you don’t click here).

Long story really short:  Two sons are given their inheritance before the father dies.  One son does the ‘right’ thing and works for his father, the other son squanders his lot and comes crawling back to the father.  The father takes him in as if nothing has happened and celebrates (much to the discontent of the other brother who feels it isn’t fair).

Well, is that fair?

I think so…

God’s Gift of Freewill

This is a great analogy for God.  I don’t think God’s going to punish anybody for taking a detour on the path, or even if you completely stray off this path.

“I don’t think God is going to kick anyone’s butt in heaven for missed opportunity or bad behaviour.”

God gives all of us many gifts, whether they be in the form of talents, love or friendships, etc.  What we do with them is up to us but I don’t think He is going to be upset if we don’t use them.

I don’t think God is going to kick anyone’s butt in heaven for missed opportunity or bad behaviour.  God gave us freewill and this is the one gift we do use whether it is deemed ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

“Our choice is our gift to ourselves, we bring to our own table that which we experience.  “

We have this blessed gift of choice.  We will be our own judges and our misgivings will be our remorses.  God is that parent who does not judge, only accepts what is.

Please read my blog Does God Love Us Unconditionally? HERE

Choices

Our choice is our gift to ourselves, we bring to our own table that which we experience.

Nobody can tell you what to do but you can take advice.

My advice is this:  Take responsibility for your life.  If you feel you are in alignment with your integrity then that is great!  Whether someone else is not in alignment and you notice this, it is none of your business unless you are asked by that person for help.

You should not judge them for the path they are taking.  You don’t know where that path may inevitably lead them.  That is why you should not interfere.  If you are asked for assistance by them, then that soul has made a choice.  That is why you may help when you are asked to help.

Take Responsibility

In taking responsibility for your life, as in the honourable son from the Prodigal Son parable, you are not being a burden on anyone else.  This feels like the noble thing to do, doesn’t it?

“We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus purely on how harmonized we are with our purpose.”

It doesn’t really matter if your sibling is doing the opposite to you in their life and your parent still welcomes them back with open arms.  The father in this parable was right and his son should have rather rejoiced to have his brother back instead of feeling hard done by because all his efforts weren’t rewarded.  I think his reward far outweighs the ‘lost’ son in that he got to spend more valuable time with his father.  The other brother may regret this for the rest of his life.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus purely on how harmonized we are with our purpose.  Replace judgment with compassion and understanding.

Have you ever felt resentment?  Are you still feeling that way?  Can you perhaps choose to see things differently now?

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The Shocking Truth About Gender Equality

Women are Men and Men are Women 

Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus?  This may seem to be the case when we are living in linearity with an illusory divide that is the separation between the two genders of humanity. But let’s look at why this statement is lacking a quantum perspective.

The Healing of the Female/Male Painbody

I feel like I was born into this world with a female painbody (for those of you who are not familiar with the word ‘painbody’ — a word coined by Eckhart Tolle — I am referring to the collective emotion/pain of being a woman).

” …the divide between men and women and the issue of inequality is monumentally better than just even one generation ago…”

The frustration of feeling equal in all but strength to a man can be overwhelming when faced with situations of unequal pay, if you are female, not being taken seriously with your political or even general views, etc.

I have to say that we are living in a day and age where the divide between men and women and the issue of inequality is monumentally better than just even one generation ago, let alone 300 years ago.  But there is still work to be done.  And in fact, it is such a simple thing that we need to do — to address inequality — that I have all confidence and hope that this generation will be the ones to effect change.

 Reconciling the History of Pain

The collective ‘painbody’ of the female goes way back.

“…the basic stripping down of the divine feminine and subjugating her to a life of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. “

As you can imagine, we are talking about biblical times where women were practically written out of the bible or if they did make an appearance they were usually whores or harlots;  the witch burning crusades of the Spanish Inquisition;  the basic stripping down of the divine feminine and subjugating her to a life of being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

During my lifetime, I have pondered these many harsh historical tales and it has made me feel quite angry about being a woman.

I Want to be a Man

For most of my life I always wanted to be a man, this would have seemed to solve a lot of my frustrations.  Until I had my recent epiphany that has made me see this from a completely new perspective.

And hooray for this new revelation because now I can say with confidence ‘I LOVE BEING A WOMAN!’.

 Blood, Sweat and Tears…Literally

I woke up last week and had started my period.  I ambled downstairs and sat on the couch while I had my first cup of the morning and tried to wake up.

“A mixture of feelings had overcome me and I wasn’t too sure about the outburst.”

After just sitting there for about an hour I burst into tears.  A mixture of feelings had overcome me and I wasn’t too sure about the outburst.  So I thought to myself it’s just PMS and I am in pain so ergo the tears.

This  made me feel even more frustrated and the crying didn’t stop.  My dear husband came and sat with me during the outburst and offered consolation.  I then asked him if he minded me ‘spilling my guts’ to him in an attempt to purge myself of what I was feeling.  He agreed and the deluge began.

Frustration and Compassion

It started with me telling him my frustrations over how my period made me feel – sore, dirty, uncomfortable and, worst of all, judged.

I let it out that I was frustrated about how most women are judged or perceived as being a little ‘mental’ when they are menstruating.  I verbalized the injustice in this as your body does go crazy and it is mostly out of your control.

“When you don’t understand something, don’t judge it – just let it be and show compassion.”

Perhaps, some men just don’t get the fact that your body is being stormed with hormones and you don’t know your arse from your elbow.  The key to this is empathy – compassion.  When you don’t understand something, don’t judge it – just let it be and show compassion.  That’s all, it’s very simple.  Support and compassion.

No Stopping Me Now

The tears, however, did not abate.

I had just read a chapter in a book the night before that stated that women who have sex out of a ‘sins of the flesh’ or in lustful way have pain during childbirth.

Now I have heard of orgasmic childbirths and I have no quarrel with this statement as, perhaps, children who are conceived through the purest of intentions and love may very well be born differently – turning pain into ecstasy.

But my female painbody sprung into action!

  • What about all the men who have lustful ‘sins of the flesh’ type sex?
  • What is the pain that they are to bear?
  • A man is even guaranteed an orgasm if conception has taken place, where the woman is not guaranteed anything – how unfair!
  • Why must a woman take on the misgivings of these combined activities?

Utter frustration was gripping me as I tackled this concept.  I was back in the throngs of the painbody.

Collapse and then Rebuild

Whilst my husband took a break from the festivities of the couch, I sat sobbing into my tissue.

As I was in this moment I felt arms around me.  Whether they were the arms of my guides, angels or higher self, they were so comforting.

Then I heard a whisper in my ear:

 “Now what if you were a man in your previous life and all these men who ‘don’t get women’ were actually women themselves in past life experiences – you have incarnated here on this earth plane and you have forgotten all past life experiences”. 

Now I do know this concept that we have had numerous past lives and the likelihood of having experienced various different lives in various different genders makes sense.

No More Duality, Thank You!

Then the penny dropped (and along with it a lot of frustration):  All men in this current lifetime have been women, have given birth, have probably been raped or abused, have been put down, have suffered extremities and loss.

“We are all one and the same!  Duh.”

All women in this current lifetime have been soldiers and/or warriors, have done hard labour, have perhaps been abusers, have suffered bloodshed and loss just like anyone.  We are all one and the same!  Duh.

Most have just forgotten.

The voice then whispered again in my ear, “Now say the opposite”.  I wondered what the voice meant and then I realized that I had been repeatedly sobbing into my tissue ‘I hate being a woman!’…I tried it, ‘I love being a woman!’  I felt a great sense of relief and sincerity when I voiced this.

So, in figuring that one out I sat there – in silence.  So what is the solution.  This makes me feel a bit better but it still doesn’t solve everything.

Speaking Trinity with an Angel

Then I remembered something that Archangel Metatron had told me in one of my dowsing sessions.  He said that we need to redefine the trinity as love, healing coupled with compassion and this will lead us to mastery.

The Conclusion and New Beginnings

My conclusion is that through the love of each other, crossing every divide – be it gender or race, religion or political view – we will allow ourselves to empathize with each other and to have compassion.

“We are the yin and the yang.  There is no separation – this is an illusion.”

When we can walk alongside each other and lift each other up and offer support when and where it is needed, we will be masters.

When gender is no longer an issue and the problems that either gender is facing in the NOW is met with compassion and understanding, we will be equal.  Because we know, deep down inside what it feels like to be both man or woman.

When you buy into the illusion of separation, this leads to fear, misery and frustration.  See past the illusion of gender and you are just the I AM.

Just love who you are now.

Be grateful for who you are now.


Why You Need To Meditate! Part 2

To recap on Part One CLICK HERE

It is a hard reality but it is the truth

You can plaster a wall over and over but if there are cracks of unresolved past issues hidden in the concrete, they will always break through leaving imperfections in your wall.

“We need to merge the habit of practicing to be present back into our mainstream of life to adopt a healthy overall balance of perception of the dimension that we call our reality.”

It is easier, in the long run, to work through these issues until we find that Shangri La in our minds.

We need to merge the habit of practicing to be present back into our mainstream of life to adopt a healthy overall balance of perception of the dimension that we call our reality.  Our stressful and sometimes frantic way of life leaves little ‘time’ to breathe correctly or to be aware of the present moment – or does it?

How many times, in your busy day, do you have a window of opportunity to be present?  I’m sure you can find the time, even if it happens to be when you use the toilet!

Practice makes perfect!

You can practice regular deep breath inhalations and exhalations sitting behind your computer screen or on the train to work (as discussed in Tuesdays blog about the importance of breathing correctly).

” If you have time to buy a doughnut, you have time for these re-alignment practices.”

We say we don’t have the time but that is absolute rubbish and an excuse for the laziness of not taking ones own reigns in this life.  If you have time to buy a doughnut, you have time for these re-alignment practices.

It just takes repetition and a dedication to observing the mind and habitual thought processes.  Clear out all the junk in there and make way for the peace that everyone so readily says they want to have.

When will I be happy?

Don’t look for a future date to attain this present moment awareness – everything that is going to happen will happen now, so what are you waiting for – someone else to do it for you?  Or, perhaps, you don’t have the ‘time’ to do it now and set it up for something that you will do at a later stage in your life?

If this is the case, the chances are that you will never venture down this avenue and you will continue to let your mind override and control your circumstances.

There is no time like the present!  Make a commitment and stick to it, don’t even commit to doing it tomorrow as tomorrow never comes.  Be happy now — you do have the choice, you always have!

Why worry?  Who does that serve?

How many of you, when you examine the stream of thoughts or ‘mind chatter’ in your head, realize that your thoughts either pertain to past life experience or future worry?  Usually worrying about things that never come to pass?  How much time and stress (never mind sleepless nights) could you save just by eliminating such thought patterns?  Stillness is worth every moment it takes in practicing the art.

“Nothing ever happened outside of the now, everything you have experienced in your life up to this point was experienced in the present moment.”

Present moment awareness is the way to live.  It is the only way out of this insane society we live in that is fixated on future and past.  Time is an ultimate delusion and will only be a means to an end – for keeping appointments and such.  Time will become a redundant factor in life.  Who needs time when we live in an infinite Universe?  Time ages us, who needs that?

Be the master of your destiny – live in the present moment.  And you can start this now by becoming aware of your thoughts.  Then progressively you can start to alter them as you see fit or even to stop them dead in their tracks!  Nothing ever happened outside of the now, everything you have experienced in your life up to this point was experienced in the present moment.  Nothing will ever happen in the future – it all happens in the NOW.  Future is unobtainable – the present is always here.  Open your gift, the present, and experience the timeless realm.

‘He who has begun has half done. Dare to be wise; begin!’ –Horace, 65-8 B.C.

The above blog has been taken from an extract in my latest book ‘Divine You — Redefining Love in the New Earth’, which is due to be released soon.  For more information please click here.

For more on meditation — here is another useful blog:  http://www.meditate.org/Meditation-Is-A-Happening.htm

You may also like to read this article about meditation:

Wherever You Go, There You Are: A Short Course in Mindfulness and Meditation