think before you speak | Cherie Roe Dirksen

Be Impeccable With Your Words

Don Miguel Ruiz wrote about this in his book ‘The Four Agreements’ but I’d like to touch on it today as it is something that has been on my mind lately.

You see, I believe there is a difference between speaking the truth and saying what needs to be said.

What Does Impeccability Really Mean?

To be impeccable with your word simply means to have the ability to filter your thoughts into productive or empathic speech.

It sounds simple but it can be most difficult for some who find themselves impulsively speaking the first thing that comes to mind or for those who think that to tell the truth in any situation is perfectly alright.

Yes, we should be able to speak our truths but sometimes it is not appropriate. Do you have the capacity to discern which is which?

For example:

You come across someone who is a little slow and less sharp than what is deemed average. Do you tell this person the truth that he/she is stupid? It is, after all, the truth (as seen by you).

Well I hope you answered no, because it is neither a productive thing to say nor is it necessary. This would be like marching up to someone who is mature in years and decrepid and telling them that they old and falling apart. It is an unnecessary truth.

Now of course there are people out their exercising their right to stupidity that are really going to grate your butt down to the bone but it is best to walk away or try to help them out rather than be unproductive and start hurling abuse.

Do not justify your blurb by saying, ‘well, it is the truth’. Be very careful when you justify your behavior without taking a long hard look at yourself. As that very famous phrase from the movie Forest Gump goes; ‘Stupid is as stupid does!’.

Question Time

When you are at that split-second junction where you are about to say something, stop yourself and quickly assess:

(a) is what I’m about to say going to be helpful (productive) to this person?

(b) if so, how can I phrase it with tact (empathy)?

To Use Euphemism or To Euthanize!

I often feel like ringing a person’s neck when they feel entitled to blurt out something mean and uncalled for to someone else, don’t you?

Especially when you can see the hurt in the other persons eyes. I do understand that we must all face our karma and learn to take these things on the chin (see my article called ‘9 Truths About Letting Go of Opinions that Taint Us’) but it still pisses me off no end when someone is tactless.

Let the words that fall from your lips be that which your heart agrees upon. Venomous words will only result in being toxic to yourself and to others.

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“If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the
internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need
to be approved, and the need to judge.” ~ Deepak Chopra

What is the Ego?

I remember having a conversation with someone once, we were talking about Eckhart Tolle and the ego identification. The lady I was talking to piped up and said, ‘well, I don’t have an ego’.

“Do you get that an ego is the identification you have with your self and who you are, what you do and how others perceive you?”

Let me make this perfectly clear: Everybody has an ego! Here is the dictionary definition of this fruity little word:

e·go –

the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
the part of you that reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.
egotism; conceit; self-importance.
self-esteem or self-image; feelings.
the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.

Aligning with Your Awareness of Ego

Read this authors latest book – Paperback available at Amazon and other leading bookstores for $8.99

Are you a prancing show-pony or a shrinking violet? Either one has an imbalanced sense of self.

Now that we have cleared up the myth of the ego being only a no. 3 definition of the strutting peacock itching to get recognition and praise, we can move on to ways of coping with your ego.

“Ego is the biggest enemy of humans” ~ Rig Veda

Do you get that an ego is the identification you have with your self and who you are, what you do and how others perceive you?

So even someone who is timid and an introvert has a problem with ego identification. It is just in reverse but the principle remains. When you feel yourself either inferior or superior to others — you have ego issues.

Disidentifying With the Ego

The ego is an inseparable part of you, it is not the enemy. It is how you let your ego use you that can be detrimental to the quality of your life.

“Masters know when to speak, when to be silent and when their words will be like farting against thunder.”

I am, in no way, saying that the ego needs suppression or containment, just proper management and understanding — it’s as simple as that. Your ego identification is an integral part of you, and like the universal concept that we are both yin and yang/light and dark, you need it. You are a unique individual with irrevocable personality traits in your toolkit — this is the part of ego that can be embraced. The key is to see this beautiful quality in every other soul.

Here is the pitfall of the ego — it wants to be separate from the whole, better than the rest and put itself somewhere untouchable. This is the downfall of our current society, it is a separatist theory that pits people against each other and keeps them in an ‘us against them’ mental construct.

This is the dangerous element of the ego — the total takeover and manipulation of the authentic self. Unfortunately, most of our worlds cultures are primarily caught up in the subconscious identification of the ego.

So how can you disconnect and tame your ego?

Let’s Spring Clean this Concept

There are 7 fundamental principles to keeping your ego in check. Let’s explore them now:

Water Off a Ducks Back — do not take things
personally. When you do, you are subconsciously (or consciously) in agreement with whatever you have taken offense at. This can leave you in constant need for validation from external sources which is the need of the ego. Be at peace with what other people think of you, even if it is not congruent with how you see yourself. You are never going to have universal appeal, there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like you — get over it now and save yourself any future distress. Acceptance of what is is key. For more about this in-depth trait, click here: Do You Take Things Personally?
Think Before You Speak — honour the power of your words and you will honour not only others but your sense of self. Choose your words wisely. You will be in control instead of having a hurtful motor-mouth. People will pick up on this and return it in kind. Practicing the integrity of your words will result in a better quality of life for yourself and those with whom you interact.
Hold Your Tongue — the ego loves to make itself right. A common trap to fall into is trying to make someone else see that you are right. Really? Is it that important for you to force someone to see life through your eyes and perceptions?
No, that is your ego trying to justify itself. Masters know when to speak, when to be silent and when their words will be like farting against thunder. Control over your mouth is like having control over your sphincter muscle at a dinner party. Exercise it and you will notice how easy it becomes to have total control of outbursts or having to explain yourself constantly. The best book I ever read about learning to be impeccable with your words is ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz (a must have for your spiritual library).
Don’t Buy into the Labels — get in touch with who you really are and reconnect
to your source or core being. Look past the labels and identifications that society plasters you with. You are not your profession, you are not the role you play in your family or community. You are a special individual spark of the Divine that is nameless and authentic. Get to grips with that through meditation (click here for an article about 5 Easy Steps to Meditating).
Quit Comparisons — learn to be comfortable in your own skin. There is no-one in the world like you — from your individual fingerprints to all the exclusive experiences your soul has accumulated. Comparing yourself to others is another trick of the ego — don’t fall for it. Fall in love with yourself (read an article about this HERE).
Count Your Blessings — instead of complaining about all the things that are wrong with your physical appearance and situation, try to see all the positive
aspects of your life and body.
See Divinity En-Masse — don’t try to elevate yourself above or bury yourself below others. You are part of a collective consciousness of Divine souls here on Earth. See the divinity in yourself and see it in others too. The ego won’t be able to do this. If you are finding resistance, you need to go into why you can’t accept that your fellow human beings are just as much a part of God as you are. To see the internal beauty in another will put you on a level playing field instead of comparing yourself and others and passing dangerous judgments.

Why Will This Guarantee My Success?

How to Train Your Dragon of an Ego by Cherie Roe Dirksen

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When you tame the ego, you are paving the way for smooth and easy life flow. You relinquish judgments, comparisons and the need to be or feel superior. This is a frequency that you will project and I guarantee that people will be attracted to you. People standing in their truth and integrity are like moths to a flame — be it in your personal or professional life.

Your ego won’t go away but you can have control over it instead of it running amuck with you.

When you do have control, you will never feel the need for superiority nor inferiority to any one else. You simply are — a state of grace, least resistance and an inner knowing of peace. Now isn’t that something worth going after?

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