How Taking Things Personally Can Stump Your Creativity

Heather

“Don’t Take Anything Personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz

If you have a fear about what people will think of what you have to offer — your particular brand of creative expression — then this could be a serious obstacle.

So try and read this with that in mind and then answer this question:

Can I reveal the gifts of my soul to the world even if some may not approve, be ready for, or understand me?

If you can, you are standing in your integrity and are resolute about who you are.  If not, try to get to the root of why you hand your power over to other people for approval.

This article may also help:  Making a Commitment to Creativity…Do You Lack Self-Worth?

Do You Take Things Personally?

SunsetWhen you take something personally or are offended, you are inadvertently agreeing with what has been said about you.

Does this ring true or are you still having a hard time grappling with this concept?

If you are still wrestling with this statement, it could stem from not being able to take responsibility for your own thought streams and self-identification.  I know this sounds a bit harsh but if we are going to effectively tackle self-worth issues; we need to get our hands initially dirty so that we can give them a good scrubbing.

Complete Honesty is Required

A wise man is superior to any insults which can be put upon him, and the best reply to unseemly behavior is patience and moderation. ~Moliere

When someone insults you it is only the tip of the iceberg to what’s lying underneath.  When you feel slighted you are actually supporting the view of your counterpart because it has touched a nerve.  If your nerves are being twisted, you know there is something more to the perceived insult that meets the eye.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. ~Carl Jung

The person doing the insulting is only reminding you of something that needs to be taken out within yourself to have a good, long and hard look at.  Although you probably won’t want to give them a gold medal for their efforts, I assure you that some people are in this life to push your buttons.  Although this may seem unloving, they actually give you the opportunity to reconsider your belief structures – a chance to turn your trash into treasure.

Taking a Look at the Opposite Pole — Confidence

GirlIf someone tried to hurt you, or perhaps even unintentionally, says something to you that you don’t agree with – no problem – you usually brush off this kind of ‘offense’ because it really doesn’t bother you.  It could be an area in your life that you are 100% sure you have waxed.

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. ~Roderick Thorp

So for instance, you are a rocket scientist and someone calls you stupid, the chances of you having a wobbly melt-down in the public lavatory are going to be slim. But let’s take another example, perhaps one that we all have had to deal with in one way or another.

Vanity Fair or Foul?

Let’s say you are happy with your appearance and feel you are a fine specimen, someone passes by in a vehicle and shouts out, ‘hey, freak!’

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. ~W.C. Fields

Do you agree with that or not? If you are 100% confident that you are a perfectly dashing human being, just as the Universe intended, then you would most likely shrug the comment off and have a good chuckle about it. Why? This is because you whole-heartedly disagree with the statement.

However, if you are someone whose confidence peaks and troughs daily, you will probably instantly go into depression.  The nerve that has been struck is your internal agreement about yourself, not what the other person has said.  All they have done is ignited the spark on the BBQ that you are going to make sure you roast on.  It is a form of self-torture.   To agree with anyone over anything stemming from feelings of lack is disempowering.

Re-examine all that you have been told…dismiss that which insults your soul. ~Walt Whitman

We live and we learn, we travel within and we discover who we are.

When you feel confident about who you are, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and you are free to express the many wonders that your unique soul has to offer.

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Purpose Fairy. 

Next installment:  9 Truths About Letting Go of Opinions that Taint Us

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7 Ways to Tame the Ego and Become Instantly Likeable

 “If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the 
internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need 
to be approved, and the need to judge.” ~ Deepak Chopra

What is the Ego?

I remember having a conversation with someone once, we were talking about Eckhart Tolle and the ego identification.  The lady I was talking to piped up and said, ‘well, I don’t have an ego’.

“Do you get that an ego is the identification you have with your self and who you are, what you do and how others perceive you?”

Let me make this perfectly clear:  Everybody has an ego!  Here is the dictionary definition of this fruity little word:

e·go – 

  1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.
  2. the part of you that reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.
  3. egotism; conceit; self-importance.
  4. self-esteem or self-image; feelings.
  5. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.

Aligning with Your Awareness of Ego

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Are you a prancing show-pony or a shrinking violet?  Either one has an imbalanced sense of self.

Now that we have cleared up the myth of the ego being only a no. 3 definition of the strutting peacock itching to get recognition and praise, we can move on to ways of coping with your ego.

“Ego is the biggest enemy of humans” ~ Rig Veda

Do you get that an ego is the identification you have with your self and who you are, what you do and how others perceive you?

So even someone who is timid and an introvert has a problem with ego identification.  It is just in reverse but the principle remains.  When you feel yourself either inferior or superior to others — you have ego issues.

Disidentifying With the Ego

The ego is an inseparable part of you, it is not the enemy.  It is how you let your ego use you that can be detrimental to the quality of your life.

“Masters know when to speak, when to be silent and when their words will be like farting against thunder.”

I am, in no way, saying that the ego needs suppression or containment, just proper management and understanding — it’s as simple as that.  Your ego identification is an integral part of you, and like the universal concept that we are both yin and yang/light and dark, you need it.  You are a unique individual with irrevocable personality traits in your toolkit — this is the part of ego that can be embraced.  The key is to see this beautiful quality in every other soul.

Here is the pitfall of the ego — it wants to be separate from the whole, better than the rest and put itself somewhere untouchable.  This is the downfall of our current society, it is a separatist theory that pits people against each other and keeps them in an ‘us against them’ mental construct.

This is the dangerous element of the ego — the total takeover and manipulation of the authentic self.  Unfortunately, most of our worlds cultures are primarily caught up in the subconscious identification of the ego.

So how can you disconnect and tame your ego?

Let’s Spring Clean this Concept

There are 7 fundamental principles to keeping your ego in check.  Let’s explore them now:

  • Water Off a Ducks Back — do not take things
    personally.  When you do, you are subconsciously (or consciously) in agreement with whatever you have taken offense at.  This can leave you in constant need for validation from external sources which is the need of the ego.  Be at peace with what other people think of you, even if it is not congruent with how you see yourself.  You are never going to have universal appeal, there will always be someone out there who doesn’t like you — get over it now and save yourself any future distress.  Acceptance of what is is key.  For more about this in-depth trait, click here: Do You Take Things Personally?
  • Think Before You Speak — honour the power of your words and you will honour not only others but your sense of self.  Choose your words wisely.  You will be in control instead of having a hurtful motor-mouth.  People will pick up on this and return it in kind.  Practicing the integrity of your words will result in a better quality of life for yourself and those with whom you interact.
  • Hold Your Tongue — the ego loves to make itself right.  A common trap to fall into is trying to make someone else see that you are right. Really?  Is it that important for you to force someone to see life through your eyes and perceptions?
    No, that is your ego trying to justify itself.  Masters know when to speak, when to be silent and when their words will be like farting against thunder.  Control over your mouth is like having control over your sphincter muscle at a dinner party.  Exercise it and you will notice how easy it becomes to have total control of outbursts or having to explain yourself constantly. The best book I ever read about learning to be impeccable with your words is ‘The Four Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz (a must have for your spiritual library).
  • Don’t Buy into the Labels — get in touch with who you really are and reconnect
    to your source or core being.  Look past the labels and identifications that society plasters you with.  You are not your profession, you are not the role you play in your family or community.  You are a special individual spark of the Divine that is nameless and authentic.  Get to grips with that through meditation (click here for an article about 5 Easy Steps to Meditating).
  • Quit Comparisons — learn to be comfortable in your own skin.  There is no-one in the world like you — from your individual fingerprints to all the exclusive experiences your soul has accumulated.  Comparing yourself to others is another trick of the ego — don’t fall for it.  Fall in love with yourself (read an article about this HERE).
  • Count Your Blessings — instead of complaining about all the things that are wrong with your physical appearance and situation, try to see all the positive
    aspects of your life and body.
  • See Divinity En-Masse — don’t try to elevate yourself above or bury yourself below others.  You are part of a collective consciousness of Divine souls here on Earth.  See the divinity in yourself and see it in others too.  The ego won’t be able to do this.  If you are finding resistance, you need to go into why you can’t accept that your fellow human beings are just as much a part of God as you are.  To see the internal beauty in another will put you on a level playing field instead of comparing yourself and others and passing dangerous judgments.

Why Will This Guarantee My Success?

How to Train Your Dragon of an Ego by Cherie Roe Dirksen

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When you tame the ego, you are paving the way for smooth and easy life flow.  You relinquish judgments, comparisons and the need to be or feel superior.  This is a frequency that you will project and I guarantee that people will be attracted to you.  People standing in their truth and integrity are like moths to a flame — be it in your personal or professional life.

Your ego won’t go away but you can have control over it instead of it running amuck with you.

When you do have control, you will never feel the need for superiority nor inferiority to any one else.  You simply are — a state of grace, least resistance and an inner knowing of peace.  Now isn’t that something worth going after?

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3 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself When Dealing With Aggravation

The above quotation is what is sometimes referred to as the ‘smoky mirror’ syndrome.  We don’t like in others what we don’t care to admit is a fault within us.

How Can I Identify this Kind of Behaviour in Myself?

An example of this could be that you are very annoyed with your colleague for never allowing you to get your point across.  This may be a reflection of how you  behave at times.  It may not be with this specific person, it could be something that you do to your friends or family, in a completely different environment from the workplace.

This is why it is difficult for us to sometimes identify the problem within ourselves — we simply don’t recognize its existence.

“Awareness allows for truth to flow through a situation.”

It is imperitive to find time for deep inner reflection, questioning and, above all, honesty when it comes to dealing with trying to figure out why your buttons are being pushed.

When you can identify the behaviour within yourself, you have found the awareness to deal with it.  Awareness allows for truth to flow through a situation.  So instead of reacting the next time your colleague doesn’t allow for you to have your say, see if this inner questioning system works:

  • Do I need to ‘have my say’ or can I simply be the still presence and say nothing?
  • If not, why is it that I feel the need to reciprocate?
  • Does it make me feel less important when I remain silent?
  • Do I really need to convince my colleague of my point of view or is this my ego wanting to control the situation?

Be honest with yourself. 

Now when you find yourself on the giving end of the situation — in this instance, you will be the one doing all the talking and not letting anyone else have a word — see if you can:

  1. Identify that you have perhaps not allowed anyone else to talk or contribute.
  2. Can you stop talking once this awareness has broken through?
  3. Are you comfortable with letting someone else speak and listening to their point of view?

I have only given one example here of how the smoky mirror can work, please try to mould this example to fit in with any situation you are having difficulties with.

If you can’t identify the behaviour in yourself, then perhaps you can go out on a limb and ask a friend if they see this behaviour in you.  Don’t be angry if your friend can identify it, just remember that you are on the path to self-empowerment and  you need to be able to not take things personally.

Call to Action!

Can you share a story about recognizing the actions of another reflected in yourself?  How are you dealing with that?  Share your wisdom…

Are you having problems seeing this concept in yourself?  Is there no way that you mirror the bad behaviour you see in others that irritates you?

Are you walking a fine line between acknowledging your faults or finding that you are just being objectively critical?

For further reading, please see my other blogs:

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…Who’s in the Most Denial of Us All?

Do You Take Things Personally?

More about this topic can also be found in my book ‘Divine You – Redefining Love in the New Earth’ (where the above quotation was taken from).

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