The Secret Game That Brought My Soul Mate to Me

Soul Mate Header

The Sleeping Warrior by Cherie Roe Dirksen

Let’s Get the Mushy Stuff Over Quick

My hubby and I just celebrated being married for 21 years on the 8th August. We live and work together from home,  we’re also in a band together (if you’re curious George, you can check out our original music HERE, we call ourselves Templeton Universe) — so we’re literally together 24/7.

People ask us if we ever get sick of each other or fight a lot — absolutely not. We just ‘work’ — two little peas in a satisfied pod.

Before you reach for your vomit bag, let me get to the point…

I’m not trying to rub your nose in our love affair, I just wanted to point out something I recently discovered about why I managed to bag my soul mate so early on in life. I was 15 when we met at school and I was married to him by age 20 (I know I may have seemed young but when you know you just know).

But how did I manage to find love so quickly? Yeah, maybe it’s karma, kismet (read related article: Why Being Weird is Unusually Cool!) or something like that but it also had a hell of a lot to do with the Law of Attraction and being a little girl with her head in the clouds…let me explain:

Fake it to Make it

I was quite an intense child. I had a vivid imagination and a strong will. Every day I would come home from school and usually hop in the pool for about 5 hours (got to love living in Cape Town!) or play with my Barbie and Ken collection.

When I was in the pool I was always with my Cassanova (I was usually a mermaid and he was a heroic sailor or renegade pirate…Aaargh).

My imaginary knight in shining armour was always close by — any decision I made, it was with him at my side. I was a hopeless romantic even at the sprouting age of about 6/7 years old.

My Ken and Barbie play dates were always lovey-dovey encounters and romantic adventures, not surprising as I had my nose forever stuck in fairytales and Disney movies. I just couldn’t wait to be swept off my glass-slippered feet!

Point is, I imagined the jiggery-pokery out of this fictional divine man. I couldn’t wait to grow up and get married. This could have gone terribly wrong, of course, if I just married anyone who was willing but as luck (and the LOA) would have it, I met this Prince Charming and we were a match made in heaven (phew!).

Read related article: 5 Key Factors to a Lasting Relationship

Make Believe Like Never Before!

However, is my young romance so difficult to believe seeing that I spent most of my wee life injecting real feeling and emotion into this invisible Romeo? Does the Law of Attraction not state that in order to manifest our desire we have to pretend like we already have it?

Most of my childhood was spent pretending and soon Pinnochio became a real boy!

We were obviously excellent little fakers when we were tots and now that we’re all grown up and think we know everything we’ve lost our most important gift — make believe. You’ve got to be off your rocker if you think make believe is just a child’s game — it is very much a REAL game and it’s where all the magic happens.

You don’t have to agree with me, you can believe what you want…but what if?

Belief is just an agreement you’ve made about something so why not invite your inner child out to play some make believe. It could be fun 🙂 — oh, go on!

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Positive Thoughts Work

How to Find the Perfectly Balanced YOU Right Now

You May Be Doing Serious Damage to Your Success By Doing This One Thing

CRDCherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.

To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.

Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She also has just recently launched her official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates).

Cherie posts a new article on CLN every Thursday. To view her articles, click HERE.

This article (The Secret Game That Brought My Soul Mate to Me) was originally written for and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author Cherie Roe Dirksen and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.

 

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2 Things People in Relationships Forget About that Lead to Disaster

As I began to wake up this morning and my dreary, sleepy eyes adjusted to my surrounds — a thought popped into my head.

In fact 2 thoughts managed to creep in there.

I wondered why I was having these thoughts — as they seemed totally unrelated to the happy dream I was having about a monkey, an umbrella and a packet of crisps — and then I remembered, it was writing day today and I guess the field of potential wanted you to hear this.

“You’re not in competition with your partner, you’re supposed to be a complimentary team.”

I’m going to jump right in and say that, in my experience (and I do feel somewhat qualified as hubby and I are celebrating 21 years of marriage this year — proving that I’m an applied romantic and not just a theoretical one!), there are 2 key expressions (that we often overlooked) that we need to show our partners without hesitation:

  1. Awe
  2. Compassion

Let’s take no.1

Awe — there’s a reason you chose your partner. What was it? Remind yourself of what makes you revere your partner. What brought about those butterflies in the beginning? For example: What attracted me to Michael was his raw talent, his kindness and tenderness, our shared sense of obscure humor, his ability to always be the container for me and hold a space when I’m venting and, of course, his dashing good looks don’t hurt either. Never let this spark of awe die out. You’re not in competition with your partner, you’re supposed to be a complimentary team.

Subscribe buttonCompassion — compassion covers a lot of things like empathy, understanding, non-judgement and love. It’s vital in a relationship because, at some point, one of you is going to go through something that the other needs to hold a space for. Sometimes this requires that you put your own problems aside for a moment to allow your partner to work things out. Too often I see people in relationships compete for who’s problem outweighs the other persons woes. For example: If your partner says he/she feels like he needs time out today cause he/she’s just worn out. Instead of throwing your toys out your cot because YOU’VE had a far worse week than him/her, rather allow him/her to rest without guilt or justification. Maybe this has interfered with your plans but try and see things from their perspective. Can you put your plans on the back-burner for now? 9/10 times you can. Another important tip is to learn how to listen without always having to give advice — try just being a sounding board for them (unless you really have something to offer of value).

Read related article: 5 Fundamental Steps to a Thriving Relationship

Often we slip into competition with our partner, as mentioned above, who’s had a worse day, who has more problems, who’s better at what — instead of seeing it in duality, try seeing your situation as a whole. How much appreciation do you have for this person in your life? A lot? Then tell them (awe). How much do you care for this person in your life? A lot? Then learn to identify when they are going through something difficult and help them through it without judgement or comparison (compassion).

If you do this and show the person in your life how much they mean to you — by giving them genuine compliments of appreciation and by showing them you truly care — you will improve and sustain your relationship exponentially.

Related article: 5 Key Factors to a Lasting Relationship

CRDCherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.

To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.

Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She also has just recently launched her official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates).

Cherie posts a new article on CLN every Thursday. To view her articles, click HERE.

This article (2 Things People in Relationships Forget About that Lead to Disasterwas originally written for and published byConscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author Cherie Roe Dirksen and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.

How to Recognize a Dream Thief

dream-thief-header

Deepak Chopra implied in his book, The Book of Secrets (very good and worth a read!), that one should hold on to some dreams and desires and keep ones cards close to ones chest. In other words, there are some goals you should never share with others — they are personal and that kind of secret is okay.

At the time of reading this, I was an open book. I was the kind of person who tells everyone everything and doesn’t hold back. I trust people very easily so I didn’t quite get this at the time…I was soon to learn!

Devious Encounters of a Friendly Kind

On my journey of becoming more self aware and, naturally, becoming more aware of others — I encountered some people (disguised well, as friends and kindred spirits) who have proven Dr Chopra right.

Unfortunate as it is, there are folks out there who like to trample on peoples dreams and instead of being encouraging — they tend to quash your spirit.

They can do this outright (more obvious to spot) but some do this in a covert and subtly insidious manner. They can make you feel like they’re doing you a favor by ‘saving you from yourself’ when the reality is — they themselves are inept at attaining their goals so they can’t have you stealing the spotlight (even if they weren’t going to use it).

Spotting a Thief

Trouble is, they come in many shapes and sizes. They pose as friends (or even family members) but are cunning at disguising their true intentions which usually becomes more apparent when the green monster rears its head and you’re about to outshine them.

They work well in undermining your dreams in a sometimes very nice and polite way. It can be confusing when a friend or loved one subtly puts you or your dreams down in a way that seems like they’re only looking out for you. Before you know it your bonfire has been well and truly pissed on.

And you’re left holding the psychological pieces of the puzzle that was once your dream that now lays in pieces on the cold, dead coals.

Employing Armed Response and Protecting Your Dreams

It’s usually the softies that get crushed underfoot (I used to be one, so I know what goes through a people-pleaser’s self-doubting mind). We tend to take people at face value and trust that they have our best intentions at heart. We even think that other people probably know better than us.

I’m sorry to say that that bubble needs to be popped, the sooner the better!

It’s okay to walk away from people like this. I always felt guilty doing it, so I would stay in a friendship just to ‘keep the peace’. Thing is, I wasn’t keeping my own peace. Bottom line is:  it’s just not worth sacrificing your own inner peace for friendships like these.

I still like to adopt a ‘innocent until proven guilty‘ approach with people but I now have a well honed bullshit-o-meter. I’ve had too many experiences with borderline narcissists to know what one sounds like especially when my gut instinct is sounding alarm bells.

Things you can do to combat such dream thieves are to:

  1. Develop a good sense of inner discernment/gut feeling or instinct or whatever else you want to call it. Look out for people who hype themselves up whilst subtly putting you down. Stay far away from these people or at the very least (if they are unavoidable) do good aura protection mantras. Read more here: 15 Protection Tips That Keep Out Negative Energy
  2. Maintain a healthy ego/pride. This is in no way egotistical, it’s just having enough self love to have faith in your innate wisdom and to go ahead with any dreams or goals you want to pursue without letting other people dissuade you. Related article: Do You Feel Worthless? 2 Reasons Why You Need to Love YOUFrom the wisdom of Wayne Dyer: “Regardless of how absurd your inner callings might seem, they’re authentically yours. They don’t have to make sense to anyone else. The willingness to listen and act on your inspiration, independent of the opinions of others, is imperative.” 

sub buttonKeeping Good Company

It goes without saying that if you associate with the inspired and the inspiring, you can’t go wrong. Positive people will lift your spirits and motivate you to push your own perceived limitations and boundaries.

You can’t lead an inspired life by hanging around people who are a constant source of negativity — that makes about as much sense as a bird tying weights to its wings to gain more height.

Your mom was right — sometimes ‘hanging out with the wrong sort‘ could be a make or break situation. It takes time, trial and error to know these things but it’s a lesson well worth learning.

Choose your company wisely!

CRDCherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.

To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.

Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She also has just recently launched her official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates).

Cherie posts a new article on CLN every Thursday. To view her articles, click HERE.

This article (How to Recognize a Dream Thiefwas originally written for and published by Conscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author Cherie Roe Dirksen and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.

Other articles you may enjoy:

We Desperately Need to Abandon the ‘One Size Fits All’ Approach

5 Key Factors to a Lasting Relationship

Going Beyond Normal: Manifesting the Truly Bizarre

Boundary Setting 101 — Target: Empaths

Why We Detest Indifference (Odyssey, Issue 3 — Out Now!)

How to Heal and Unite Your Inner Feminine and Masculine

The Pride by Cherie Roe DirksenTo recap on this blog series with transformational coach, Tracy Russell, please first read:

Ever Wanted to Fly? (Blog 1)

Do You Know the Difference Between Your Superconscious and Subconscious Mind? (Blog 2)

Cherie: What are we going to be delving into this time?

Tracy: This week we’ll be exploring the feminine attributes represented below by the egg – the receptive, ‘being’ energy, and the masculine represented by the caterpillar – the active, ‘doing’ energy. EmergentImaginal Model-4 The feminine receives the ideas, insights, intuition and guidance and the masculine aspect offers support and structure to action them. Both are needed to birth new life and to bring dreams into fruition.

There are masculine and feminine attributes in all of life. Nature teaches us the beautiful dance between these wild feminine and masculine aspects.

Both are needed to bring balance and wholeness, and yet our patriarchal society has largely suppressed, controlled and dominated the feminine. She who is mother nature and our very own nature… our creative, intuitive, receptive, empathic, heart-centred selves.

It’s time for her to be reborn through each one of us, so that we may stop the suffering and destruction within ourselves and on this planet.

Cherie: That was beautifully articulated, thank you. What, in your opinion, is the key attribute to actively bringing our divine feminine and masculine into balance?

Tracy: I see this yin and yang balance representing communication, which is the process whereby we bring about communion (unity, intimacy wholeness).

The balance of the feminine and masculine is likened to the in breath and the out breath.  It is the receiving and the giving, the listening and the speaking, the content and the delivery — within ourselves and with each other.

When this is off balance we struggle to connect to our truth and intuition and express and action it and thus we struggle to connect and communicate with each other.

Cherie:  Can you share with us any personal experiences with regards to shifting these two aspects into equilibrium?

Tracy: Part of my journey has been to heal the suppression and wounding of my inner feminine, as well as my wounded masculine aspect so that I can trust that he is able to support and direct my feminine energy, birthing my full potential.

My feminine hasn’t trusted the masculine. She’s been hurt, betrayed and violated for centuries so she didn’t trust that inner or outer masculine to support her, that he will act on her behalf and in her best interests. It’s safer not to take action and speak and express her truth , that way she won’t be rejected or made to feel wrong.

“When the pure essence of the masculine energy is distorted, it turns into aggression. When the true essence of the feminine is distorted, it becomes resentful and withdraws love and connectedness. The feminine energy is all about relationship, connecting with love and support and nurturance, sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. The masculine, in its true essence, gets the job done in a way that is reliable, trustworthy, protective. When the masculine is balanced, it responds and communicates in such a way that others feel safe, physically as well as emotionally .“

– Ayal Hurst

This wounding can put us in victim mode where we feel that everything is happening to us and that we’re at the effect of life, bouncing off everything like an aimless pinball.

Cherie:  What advice can you give the readers to identify, within themselves, the wounded or out of alignment facets of our yin/yang nature?

Tracy: In order to heal these aspects, it’s important to be honest with ourselves.

  • Where do you see these distorted patterns playing out?
  • Where are you withholding or playing victim?
  • Where are you in avoidance or trying to control?
  • What are you attracting in your life?

This will show those areas that are out of balance. If you’re trying to control everything in your life, you’re probably not trusting yourself and the process of life. If you’re in avoidance, you’re likely not wanting to feel your truth and step into your full power.

Once you shine a torch on a shadow aspect, it has nowhere to hide and is now part of the light. When you love and accept that part, it can no longer hold that negative charge and have power over you. FeminineAndMasculine Cherie:  Very powerful stuff! What benefits will we be able to see, feel or notice when we step into balance?

Tracy: The more you step into the natural qualities of the masculine and feminine, the more of your power you reclaim, becoming less triggered and reactive because you’re no longer avoiding and afraid of acknowledging that part of you.

You‘ll allow the Natural feminine within you to fully flower and set clear boundaries that honour all that you are and want for your life.

We need to allow the intuition, power and creativity of the feminine to flow, but we also need the framework and boundaries of the masculine to action and execute those ideas and dreams, otherwise there’s no container and your ideas and insights leak out without being fully harnessed.

Female energy without masculine energy is not whole; it’s unsupported, unfocused and scattered. It has no purpose and as a result can’t reach its full potential. For our creative spirit within our being to truly express itself, there must be a marriage at the deepest levels of our being.

The purpose of this inner marriage is to create a new life and a new world at the core of our being which manifests externally. This is the change we’re called to become.

Cherie:  I couldn’t agree more! That was very illuminating and inspiring.  Thank you, Tracy.

In the final article we’ll bring the superconscious, subconscious, masculine and feminine principles together and learn how to create and live into our full potential.

More about Tracy:

Tracy Russell Profile PicTracy Russell is transformational coach, facilitator, writer and speaker guiding adults and young adults to their hearts, inner nature, authentic power and potential so that they may share their unique expression with the world and be the rEVOLUTION that’s needed. She’s a truth-detective, edge-walker, nature-lover, fear-slayer, heart-activist and Wild Hearted Woman in training. She lives in Cape Town, South Africa where you’ll find her either up a rock face, somewhere in nature, dancing or hanging out with her beloved, spirited daughter… when she’s not doing the work she loves of course.

Find her on Facebook HERE

Visit her Site HERE (Tracy’s website will be emerging over the next few weeks, as she’s in the process of birthing it to life)

Only 50 Shades of Grey — What Happened to the Rest?

Something Wicked this Way Comes by Cherie Roe Dirksen

Despicable Me

Not only have I not (double negative, I know) read the sizzling book but I also have no intention of playing in the shadows of this steamy novel — pretty much based on the fact that all I know about it is its reputation for sexual explicitness.

What I do intend to do in this article is to whip out any double-entendre I can think of pertaining to sex, genitals or erotica.

This will be in an attempt to lure you into another grey area (of which who knows how many shades may present themselves) — the balancing of the sexes (an exploration of the ‘shadow-self’ will follow shortly in a blog post near you — so do remember to bookmark this page or ‘follow the blog’ to get updates).

Bottoms Up and Off We Blow!

It sickens me to my core when writers play on sensationalizing filth, which is why I’m in constant conflict with myself and my questionable morals.

Yin and YangEnough said, let’s soldier on in this minefield of masculine/feminine, light/dark, good/bad…yin to my yang.

We need to put on our ‘big-girls panties’ or our ‘big-boys jocks’ now as we undress (oh stop!) the issue of balancing sexual energy.  And do get your head out of the gutter — this kind of sexual energy is what the universe is made of — we’re not just talking about the old ‘heave-ho!’.

“There is a deep misconception about the roles of masculine and feminine energy in the world right now, and it has been there for quite a long time.  The belief is that masculine energy is a dominant energy, while feminine energy is a submissive energy.  This war between the masculine and the feminine has caused many women to forsake their femininity in an attempt at equality, and many men to forsake their masculine energy out of guilt or embarrassment.” — Tuning Masculine & Feminine Energy

Sex and the Universe

Sexual energy is a magical power that each of us possess (or, in some cases, may possess us).  We need to master this cosmic force in order to bring a healthy balance to our lives.

The fundamental principle is to recognize that we all, regardless of our apparent sex, are made up of both masculine and feminine energies.  We sometimes only suppress one or the other to ‘fit into’ our society, or what is deemed to be normal in behaviour of our relevant genital status.

Don’t Confuse Sex with Sexual 

Sex is, of course, great for procreation and extra-mural activities but it is not all about what happens in the bedroom (or behind the bicycle shed).  Shelve those preconceived indoctrinated or hippy notions about what the word ‘sex’ means.  That is for another blog, another day (maybe even on another site).

This blog is not going to address any kind of kinky, tantric or middle-of-the-road hokey pokey debauchery.

This is not about the ‘act’ it is about the ‘energy’.

The 6 Signs of Sexuality

Sexual energy exists on all levels — it is fundamental to creation on every level.  It is dynamic, it is the flow, it is what attracts or repels us in any situation (you are reading and emitting this type of ‘sexual energy’ all the time – consciously or unconsciously).

Here is a list of 6 common traits of the masculine energy — do any of these resonate with you (regardless of your sex)?:

  • Security/safety — a ‘container’ energy
  • Strong — a sense of standing firm and being a protector
  • Resolute — a decisive energy
  • Freedom — the masculine energy wants to be the container not the contained
  • Logical — always trying to find the solution
  • Action — impulsive and daring — ‘leap before you look’

Here is a list of feminine energy traits — do you recognize any of these in yourself (again, regardless of what sex you are):

  • Surrender — not to be mistaken with submissiveness but rather a sense of wanting to be held by that comforting peaceful masculine container energy
  • Sensitive — paying fine attention to feelings and emotions
  • Gentle — feminine energy seeks to allow for smooth flow and the path of least resistance
  • Bonding — the act of bringing together and unifying
  • Creative — the need to give birth to creation be it in form, thought or deed
  • Pensive — calculating and cautious — ‘look before you leap’

There is no right or wrong list as you can see — all the points listed above are highly commendable and desirable.  The exercise of outlining these different attributes is to marry the two — to ‘meet in the middle’ or to have a bit of both.

When you can embody these traits and draw upon them when you need to in any given situation, you become a very powerful human being.

It is of utmost benefit to be a bit of both.  The union of divine masculine and feminine gives us a chance to ‘see’ through the eyes of the other sex and to gain a deeper understanding of our dichotomous nature.

To state the bleeding obvious:  Without men there would be no women, without women there would be no men.  Let’s face it, we need each other to make it work.

The Benefits of Empathic Behaviour

Firstly, the union of the sexes would probably bring about world peace.  A balanced human being would have no need for supremacy — the need for domination is the soul being strangled by the needs of the ego.

Secondly, there will be no more ‘war of the sexes’ — I mean, that’s so last century already!  Seriously, when we figure out that we encapsulate both male and female energies, we can finally start to move on.

Not only will this mean that you’ll see more women belching in public whilst their partner blubs over the latest rom-com but the benefits of the union will also include:

  • Emotional Freedom — you depend on yourself for fulfillment but enjoy the company of others. You are open and honest with the ones you love and are able to express yourself without fear of judgment.
  • Empathy and Vision — the ability to see things from the others point of view and thus come to an agreeable solution instead of a pissing contest.  The need to be right is overtaken by the need to be careful.
  • Personal and Collective Power — owning who you are, what you are, how you feel and how you choose to express yourself and allowing others to do the same in a manner that doesn’t infringe on anybody’s rights.  You flow with life and allow instead of resist.
  • Wisdom in Equality — realizing that your Yin/Yang energy is reflected in every other soul and to disrespect another is to disrespect yourself.  You are free to contain that compulsive judgment.
  • Creative Action — you embrace creative thinking and act upon ideas that encourage, uplift, benefit or enlighten.
  • Ownership — you are a part of the bigger picture and not just a small and inconsequential ant (not that I think ants are inconsequential, merely that they paint a good metaphoric picture) mulling about the face of the Earth.  Your resoluteness will encourage others to seek out their own power and pass it forward.
  • No More Rats Arses — you no longer give a monkeys bum about what other people think of you because when you embody the union of traits, you are SOVEREIGN. This is not, in any way, to be associated with ego — it is a state of wholeness within your being.  You are embracing your divinity and acknowledging it in others.

If I have left anything out on this list, please do leave your comments in the allocated box below.  I would love to get your take or experience on this saucy topic.  Knowledge shared is wisdom gained.

Inequality Begins with ‘I’ and Ends with ‘Why?’

To look down upon, to belittle or to mistreat someone because of their sex (and this works with any other human allocation be it religion, culture, skin colour, sexual preference, etc) is an indication that you are not whole.

When you insult or degrade another, you insult and degrade yourself.

A man or (wo)man who is complete, is one who does not need to undermine any other.  To do so is a public display of your own inadequacy.

Banging On and On

Right, you lot!  Time to zip it up — this subject has been milked.  I hope all this sexuality talk hasn’t left you high and dry (oh God, please! No more innuendo!!!)…until the next blog where we will be poking about the shadows of our murky selves and trying to embrace what we find.

Goodness knows what we’ll dredge up, so don’t forget the latex gloves next week!

Other articles you may enjoy:

The Insidious Rape of Mankind and the Imminent Solution

The Shocking Truth About Gender Equality

The Fine Balancing Art of Yin and Yang

Painting Pink Floyd — Soldiering Through the Minefield of Emotion

What is Love?

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Books you may enjoy by this author:

Book Cover CARPE DIEM OR BUST         

How to Blow Off Steam with Impeccability

Art by Cherie Roe Dirksen

Are You Speaking Badly About Someone or Merely Speaking the Truth?

I pray on the principle that wine knocks the cork out of a bottle.  There is an inward fermentation, and there must be a vent. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Here’s a difficult topic — are you a gossiping Gerty or is your mouth sealed so tight, you’ve become a clam?

This has been a hot topic in my circle of friends lately as we are all trying to remain in our integrity and avoid that dastardly, lower vibrational activity that is gossip.

Have you noticed that when you are either amongst people whose mouths are flapping off about someone else that you feel quite uncomfortable — like a squirmy little worm who needs to wiggle away to find richer soil?

Maybe it’s you who has started yapping about someone else and you later feel incredible guilt about this — you bad dog, you!

I’m sure that most of us have been guilty of the odd gossip at some stage in our lives but what is the difference between talking behind someone’s back and actually venting about a situation?

Calm Dialogue versus Dramatization

Sometimes two friends get talking and the next thing you are venting about someone who is causing some irritation or discomfort in your life.  You feel that the kettle is boiling and a little steam needs to be let out.  It’s healthier to blow off a bit of steam than it is to wait until you explode!

Now, how do you do this without gossiping?

Let’s clear this up with an example of a dialogue:

Art by Cherie Roe Dirksen 2You:  My sister is really irritating me lately.  She just keeps on getting into trouble and I have to bail her out all the time.  I’ve had enough.

Your friend:  Maybe you need to give her a little bit of space so she can work things out on her own.

You:  Yes, it will be difficult but you’re right.  Helping her out every time she’s in a mess is actually disempowering her and frustrating me.  She needs to face the consequences of her choices.

Your friend:  Exactly.  Make sure she knows you love her and the reasons that you are detaching and see how it goes from there.

Okay, now I know that this scenario is like the most ideal dialogue ever and in real life it’s going to sound a teensy-weensy bit different (especially if you are really pee’d off) but you get the gist of it, right?

This is an example of allowing yourself to vent or talk about something/someone that is on your mind in a way that is in your integrity (i.e. the truth of the situation) and is done in a tactful manner.

Let’s take a look at the flip side of the coin:

You:  My sister is such a mean person. I can’t handle her rubbish anymore.  She needs to just get out of my life for good!

Your friend:  I know!  I’ve never really liked her.  She is such a leach and you have done so much for her.

You:  Tell me about it!  And what do I get in return?  All her grief and worries!

Your friend:  I’m going to give her a piece of my mind when I see her again.

I’m going to stop there because I can carry on for hours (*grin*).  It’s like the script from ‘Days of our Lives’.  Drama, drama and a little more drama!

Here is a prime example of gossip.  Can you notice the difference?

The latter dialogue is not coming from a place of integrity, it is coming from your ego that is offended and taking things personally.  There is no form of love in this rant.

Seek Out Compassion and Understanding and Venom Dissolves

Even though the person in question might be doing things to you that are less than loving, it doesn’t require for you to fight fire with fire.  The best thing you can do is to detach with love and find the compassion for that person.

Why are they hurting?

No-one who is in alignment with their core will find the need to cause you grief ergo they must be in pain.  You don’t need to heal their pain, only they can do that.  But you can exercise compassion and love them from afar.

Help if you can and it isn’t going to cause your energy to be drained.

We must learn how to explode! Any disease is healthier than the one provoked by a hoarded rage. ~Emil Cioran

So the upshot is to recognize the need to get something off your chest and to act it out in your integrity without giving into the ego and dramatizing the situation.  Tell it like it is and give yourself that much-needed space and time to open up and vent instead of bottling things up inside.

Blow off that steam whilst remaining impeccable with your words — I think it is possible, do you? Join the conversation in the comment section bellow

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Purpose Fairy

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Book Cover CARPE DIEM OR BUST   

5 Fundamental Steps to a Thriving Relationship

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” — Bruce Lee

Header Couple

My Fairytale Romance

I met my husband when we were still at school.  It was love at first sight.  We had a 4 year fun, tumultuous, exciting, frustrating, explosive and exploratory courtship and then decided to take it to the next level.  We got married in 1996.

We never looked back.

Turning Pumpkins into Golden Carriages

After 17 years of being happily married, I can safely say that I may know a thing or two about keeping a healthy, thriving, loving and successful relationship alive.

We have both been working from home over the last 8 years, so we are in each other’s hair 24/7, 7 days a week!  However, we still manage to fall in love anew each and every day.

Here’s how:

  •  Communication — this is a biggy, hence why it made it to the no. 1 slot.  I learnt this early on in our marriage.  If you don’t have an open channel of communiqué, your relationship is doomed.  You will start assuming, begrudging and pretty much get the wrong end of the stick every time you decide not to openly talk about your problems.  Women are usually good at communicating but we also need to learn when we’ve said too much and when to start listening.  Men are generally not the best communicators — so guys, you need to work on your listening skills, it could save your relationship.  And there is no greater turn on than a man who listens attentively. Always make your dialogue an even contribution.  This means that you both get time to state your case and —on pain of death — don’t override, scream over or continuously interrupt your partner.
  • Trust — we all have the capability to earn and lose trust.  One can always build up trust if it is lost, you may have to work a little harder but trust is an integral part of building the foundations of a lasting partnership.  If you let that little green monster called ‘jealousy’ into your relationship, you are on shaky territory.  If your partner is not trustworthy, you need to look elsewhere.  I know this sounds harsh but a relationship without trust is disaster-prone.  If you’re a jealous person and your partner has done nothing to make you distrustful of him/her, you are also walking the gang-plank.  Be careful, your jealousy could drive your partner to the edge.
  • Excitement — never stop jazzing it up!  Don’t fall into the trappings of complacency.  Do you look good on the outside?  I’m not implying plastic surgery nor am I implicating that you have to be a beauty queen or bodybuilder.  Just don’t let yourself go, this is a no-brainer.  Keep your appearance fresh and appealing.  If you want an attractive partner, you’ve got to keep yourself well-groomed, fit and clean.  It also doesn’t hurt to keep in shape and have strong personal hygiene routines.  You’ve also got to spice up your love life every once in a while.  Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable with but don’t be closed to all ideas — you never know what might literally tickle your fancy.  When it comes to everyday life, you’ve also got to think out of the box.  Doing the same thing week in and week out is boring.  Inject a bit of pizzazz into your social/play-time schedule.  Keep trying new things like eating out at that new restaurant, taking trips to museums/exhibitions, trying out a nightclub or just getting out into nature together by enjoying a stroll on the beach or a hike up the mountain.
  • ‘I Love You’ — not a day goes by when we don’t express this simple phrase to each other.  Don’t take for granted that your partner knows how you feel.  A little love goes a long way.  Hugs and kisses are also great daily practices, especially when they come at unexpected interludes.
  • ‘Thank You’ — always show your partner gratitude for what they do.  From the smallest things — like doing the dishes or picking the kids up from class — to the bigger things — like working hard or being a great listener or shoulder to cry on.  Appreciation shows you partner recognition.

They Lived Happily Ever After…

HeartsWhen you excite and love yourself with your particular brand of uniqueness and zest for life, you’ll be an electrifying, lovable, irresistible rogue to your partner.  Own who you are and what you want out of life and make sure you are allowing your partner to express the same thing in his/her life.

Be open to change, new ideas and constant dialogue and you will be well on your way to a successful, healthy relationship that will last.

A partnership is all about balance, love and respect.

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