As I began to wake up this morning and my dreary, sleepy eyes adjusted to my surrounds — a thought popped into my head.
In fact 2 thoughts managed to creep in there.
I wondered why I was having these thoughts — as they seemed totally unrelated to the happy dream I was having about a monkey, an umbrella and a packet of crisps — and then I remembered, it was writing day today and I guess the field of potential wanted you to hear this.
“You’re not in competition with your partner, you’re supposed to be a complimentary team.”
I’m going to jump right in and say that, in my experience (and I do feel somewhat qualified as hubby and I are celebrating 21 years of marriage this year — proving that I’m an applied romantic and not just a theoretical one!), there are 2 key expressions (that we often overlooked) that we need to show our partners without hesitation:
Let’s take no.1
Awe — there’s a reason you chose your partner. What was it? Remind yourself of what makes you revere your partner. What brought about those butterflies in the beginning? For example: What attracted me to Michael was his raw talent, his kindness and tenderness, our shared sense of obscure humor, his ability to always be the container for me and hold a space when I’m venting and, of course, his dashing good looks don’t hurt either. Never let this spark of awe die out. You’re not in competition with your partner, you’re supposed to be a complimentary team.
Compassion — compassion covers a lot of things like empathy, understanding, non-judgement and love. It’s vital in a relationship because, at some point, one of you is going to go through something that the other needs to hold a space for. Sometimes this requires that you put your own problems aside for a moment to allow your partner to work things out. Too often I see people in relationships compete for who’s problem outweighs the other persons woes. For example: If your partner says he/she feels like he needs time out today cause he/she’s just worn out. Instead of throwing your toys out your cot because YOU’VE had a far worse week than him/her, rather allow him/her to rest without guilt or justification. Maybe this has interfered with your plans but try and see things from their perspective. Can you put your plans on the back-burner for now? 9/10 times you can. Another important tip is to learn how to listen without always having to give advice — try just being a sounding board for them (unless you really have something to offer of value).
Often we slip into competition with our partner, as mentioned above, who’s had a worse day, who has more problems, who’s better at what — instead of seeing it in duality, try seeing your situation as a whole. How much appreciation do you have for this person in your life? A lot? Then tell them (awe). How much do you care for this person in your life? A lot? Then learn to identify when they are going through something difficult and help them through it without judgement or comparison (compassion).
If you do this and show the person in your life how much they mean to you — by giving them genuine compliments of appreciation and by showing them you truly care — you will improve and sustain your relationship exponentially.
Related article: 5 Key Factors to a Lasting Relationship
Cherie Roe Dirksen is a self-empowerment author, multi-media artist and musician from South Africa.
To date, she has published 3 self-help and motivational books and brings out weekly inspirational blogs at her site www.cherieroedirksen.com. Get stuck into finding your passion, purpose and joy by downloading some of those books gratis when you click HERE.
Her ambition is to help you to connect with your innate gift of creativity and living the life you came here to experience by taking responsibility for your actions and becoming the co-creator of your reality. You can follow Cherie on Facebook (The Art of Empowerment — for article updates). She also has just recently launched her official art Facebook page (Cherie Roe Dirksen – for new art updates).
This article (2 Things People in Relationships Forget About that Lead to Disaster) was originally written for and published byConscious Life News and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to the author Cherie Roe Dirksen and ConsciousLifeNews.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this Copyright/Creative Commons statement.