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How to Blow Off Steam with Impeccability

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Art by Cherie Roe Dirksen

Are You Speaking Badly About Someone or Merely Speaking the Truth?

I pray on the principle that wine knocks the cork out of a bottle.  There is an inward fermentation, and there must be a vent. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Here’s a difficult topic — are you a gossiping Gerty or is your mouth sealed so tight, you’ve become a clam?

This has been a hot topic in my circle of friends lately as we are all trying to remain in our integrity and avoid that dastardly, lower vibrational activity that is gossip.

Have you noticed that when you are either amongst people whose mouths are flapping off about someone else that you feel quite uncomfortable — like a squirmy little worm who needs to wiggle away to find richer soil?

Maybe it’s you who has started yapping about someone else and you later feel incredible guilt about this — you bad dog, you!

I’m sure that most of us have been guilty of the odd gossip at some stage in our lives but what is the difference between talking behind someone’s back and actually venting about a situation?

Calm Dialogue versus Dramatization

Sometimes two friends get talking and the next thing you are venting about someone who is causing some irritation or discomfort in your life.  You feel that the kettle is boiling and a little steam needs to be let out.  It’s healthier to blow off a bit of steam than it is to wait until you explode!

Now, how do you do this without gossiping?

Let’s clear this up with an example of a dialogue:

Art by Cherie Roe Dirksen 2You:  My sister is really irritating me lately.  She just keeps on getting into trouble and I have to bail her out all the time.  I’ve had enough.

Your friend:  Maybe you need to give her a little bit of space so she can work things out on her own.

You:  Yes, it will be difficult but you’re right.  Helping her out every time she’s in a mess is actually disempowering her and frustrating me.  She needs to face the consequences of her choices.

Your friend:  Exactly.  Make sure she knows you love her and the reasons that you are detaching and see how it goes from there.

Okay, now I know that this scenario is like the most ideal dialogue ever and in real life it’s going to sound a teensy-weensy bit different (especially if you are really pee’d off) but you get the gist of it, right?

This is an example of allowing yourself to vent or talk about something/someone that is on your mind in a way that is in your integrity (i.e. the truth of the situation) and is done in a tactful manner.

Let’s take a look at the flip side of the coin:

You:  My sister is such a mean person. I can’t handle her rubbish anymore.  She needs to just get out of my life for good!

Your friend:  I know!  I’ve never really liked her.  She is such a leach and you have done so much for her.

You:  Tell me about it!  And what do I get in return?  All her grief and worries!

Your friend:  I’m going to give her a piece of my mind when I see her again.

I’m going to stop there because I can carry on for hours (*grin*).  It’s like the script from ‘Days of our Lives’.  Drama, drama and a little more drama!

Here is a prime example of gossip.  Can you notice the difference?

The latter dialogue is not coming from a place of integrity, it is coming from your ego that is offended and taking things personally.  There is no form of love in this rant.

Seek Out Compassion and Understanding and Venom Dissolves

Even though the person in question might be doing things to you that are less than loving, it doesn’t require for you to fight fire with fire.  The best thing you can do is to detach with love and find the compassion for that person.

Why are they hurting?

No-one who is in alignment with their core will find the need to cause you grief ergo they must be in pain.  You don’t need to heal their pain, only they can do that.  But you can exercise compassion and love them from afar.

Help if you can and it isn’t going to cause your energy to be drained.

We must learn how to explode! Any disease is healthier than the one provoked by a hoarded rage. ~Emil Cioran

So the upshot is to recognize the need to get something off your chest and to act it out in your integrity without giving into the ego and dramatizing the situation.  Tell it like it is and give yourself that much-needed space and time to open up and vent instead of bottling things up inside.

Blow off that steam whilst remaining impeccable with your words — I think it is possible, do you? Join the conversation in the comment section bellow

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Purpose Fairy

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Are You Bottling Up Your Feelings?

4 Ways to Motivate Yourself Out of Bed

5 Fundamental Steps to a Thriving Relationship

How to Filter Your Blurbs

4 Simple Tips on How to Stay Calm at Family Reunions

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Book Cover CARPE DIEM OR BUST   

4 Practices to Help Cure Negative Thinking

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Never cut a tree down in the wintertime. Never make a negative decision in the low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods. Wait. Be patient. The storm will pass. The spring will come. ~Robert H. Schuller

My friend and I were out walking this morning around the neighborhood when we noticed some magnificent landscaping and flower beds to die for!  We were also, funnily enough, talking about having foggy, congested heads (physically and mentally) because of the amount of time we are spending on our computers.  We both happen to be writers.

I found that looking at these spectacular gardens really opened up my heart space and led me to think about this concept of the mind/garden metaphor.

If we can just give ourselves time in our own gardens (minds) to prune back, weed and cut off any dead branches and scrape up old leaves off the grass, we would be able to temper that stuffy headedness.

Back to my morning stroll…we then went on to discuss how meditation, exercise, getting out into nature and yoga work to unclog this tightness and tiredness in the head.

So, some good practices to follow when you feel your thoughts aren’t being honorable paying guests in your head are to:

1. Gift yourself some time for space and clarity

This doesn’t have to be for very long stretches (however long you want) but make sure it is at least 10-15 minutes of down-time.  You can sit in your garden or in a comfortable quiet space and reflect on your thoughts.  Realign them to what you feel comfortable with.  Then simply let all your thoughts dissolve and sit in stillness.  Observe what comes up and then put it aside.  Enjoy the space of just being.  We are human BEINGS not human DOINGS.  Don’t forget that.

More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity. ~Francois Gautier

2. Assess yourself

If you are having a lot of negative, worrisome thoughts, ask yourself if they are really necessary?  Is worrying about it going to change anything?  How can you steer them onto a different more nurturing path?

There is a basic law that like attracts like. Negative thinking definitely attracts negative results. Conversely, if a person habitually thinks optimistically and hopefully, his positive thinking sets in motion creative forces — and success instead of eluding him flows toward him ~ Norman Vincent Peale

3. Go for a walk or do some yoga

Any kind of exercise can actually give you a huge boost.  I know a lot of people who are tired and worn out from a hard day’s work don’t particularly care for physical movement.  Perhaps you think it is the last thing that can help but it really can.  Just 20-30 minutes can really get you to shift stagnant energy and get your system up and firing.

Walking is a man’s best medicine. ~Hippocrates

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk. ~Raymond Inmon

4. Breathe properly

Take a few good and hearty breathes.  This is a wonderful grounding tool and can get you into balance very quickly.  Most of us breathe very shallowly, not allowing for the body to become fully oxygenated.  Try to take in enough breath as to fill your lungs and spill over into your stomach (you should look like your pregnant — that is an indicator that you have got in enough air). Breathe in to the count of 5, hold it to the count of 5 and then consciously breathe out to the count of 5.  This enlivens and awakens your mind — try it, you’ll see.

Focusing on the act of breathing clears the mind of all daily distractions and clears our energy enabling us to better connect with the Spirit within. ~Author Unknown

Kick out fear, worry and drama to finally start renting your headspace out to positive, nurturing and creative thinking — the paying guest.

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Purpose Fairy

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Finding Humility Through Wisdom

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Recognizing the Source in All Life — Realigning with a New Dress-Code

Let’s tackle a very difficult notion, one that I think needs addressing.  Actually, not only does it need addressing but also undressing and a complete new wardrobe!  I’m going to have a crack at being the brave little tailor here.

We believe in the dignity of every life, the possibility of every mind, the divinity of every soul. This is our true North. ~Elizabeth Dole

Now then, let’s see — simply put — God, the Divine Intelligence that created us all, the Source or whatever you choose to call it, is omnipresent, in everyone and everything.  This is not a new concept— most religions or faiths believe this.  So why is it so hard to see the divinity in others?

I think it is because we don’t understand the outer actions or inner framework of thought construct with some of our global siblings.  But how can we overcome this huge hurdle and see divinity en-masse?  And how can we get over our own spiritual egos so that we can treat all as equal?

Are Adults Superior to Children?

Let’s use this as a metaphor.  Say you have a 4 year-old and you are an adult of 34.  Would you look down on the child and shake your head declaring, ‘you just don’t get it, do you?’  Would you feel superior because, in your experiential 30 years of extra life, you do get it?

Hardly, I should think.  Why?  Because you know that the child will most likely catch up to your level of experience by the time he is 34, if not surpass your current field of understanding altogether.

Now let’s apply this to a global metaphor.

The Illusion of Supremacy

Some souls are further along in their development than others; however the latter are like the child metaphor — they could be just starting out.  Just because they started their spiritual sojourn later than you, does not make you better than them.

They could grow so exponentially that they might end up being the next Dalai Lama, Mother Theresa or Martin Luther King — even though it may not be in their current lifetime.

It’s all about seeing the bigger picture, being humble in the wake of your accumulated knowledge and look past all preconceived ideas or judgments about another soul’s path.  When you do this, you may be able to recognize the divine shard of God that they hold.

Don Your New Outfit

Clothe yourself in a cloak of understanding, humility and reverence for all life — no matter what shape, size or form it takes in the present moment.

Do not judge a sleeping person for missing out on the beautiful delights of the dawn.  Rather enjoy the spectacle of the sunrise and know in your heart that when they awaken, they will too experience the joy of the sun.

You are no better or worse than another, through your personal awakening you have just become aware.

Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow. You are here to realize your inner divinity and manifest your innate enlightenment. ~Morihei Ueshiba

Original article written by Cherie Roe Dirksen for Purpose Fairy

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Are You Letting the Wonders of the World Pass You By?

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When we are in nature, we are in our natural state — you could even say we are in our ‘element’.  And that is synchronously why it feels so joyful to go for a walk on the beach, stroll through a meadow or simply sit under a tree.

 We are being reconnected with our state of inexplicable bliss.

Why Is This So?

There is an excellent documentary called ‘Dirt’, which outlines soil’s effect on every aspect of our lives, including our survival as a species.  The simple truth of this is that we are all made up of the dirt of the earth and will return there some day.   We are one and the same and share an incalculable bond with the planet we reside upon.

The very ingredients of our bodies are made up from the food you consume, which comes from the earth. When we honor and respect our planet, we honor and respect ourselves.

The house you live in, the car you drive, the computer you sit at, the ground that supports you is made possible by the world you inhabit.

 So What?

Well, this doesn’t mean you have to become a tree-hugger (not unless you feel the calling!) — all I want you to think about is your connection to our beautiful, resourceful Mother Earth.

When we enjoy our lives and take advantage of her many wonders, we rekindle that which is innate within us — the connection we have to all life, the oneness of being part of the whole.

There is a bond that is severed when we forget about nature and the true joy it can bring.  When we feel disconnected, being in nature can be the very inexpensive cure we need to re-align that which is out of atunement — which then becomes atonement (at-one-ment), reparation or making amends with your divine system.

7 Tips to Get You Started

Below is a list of things you can start today to get you into alignment with your true self.  They are designed to truly get you back into the ‘now’ moment and to be present in your body.  Explore your senses that so many take for granted, and have fun!

Here are 7 priceless things that your life has to offer:

  1. Touch — Taking a walk amongst trees, touching the rough bark.  Get back in contact with your sense of feeling textures and surfaces.
  2. Smell — Sitting on a park bench or in your garden, can you identify all the different aromas? Can you smell the sweet scent of the flowers hanging on a gentle breeze?  The time has never been more suitable to stop and smell the roses!
  3. Feel — Strolling on the beach, letting the water wash over your bare feet.  Feel the coarse sand underfoot.  Walk bare-foot through a patch of wet grass and feel that freshness seep into your soles.
  4. Taste — Biting into a freshly picked berry or a sprig of parsley — truly taste the freshness and zing of natural produce.
  5. Beauty — Appreciating the world around you — look at how glorious the wing of a butterfly is!  There are so many splendors to be taken in, try to keep your eyes open for magnificence — I promise you, you will be amazed at how much entertainment is all around you in the natural world.
  6. Hear — Listening to the sound of bees buzzing about their business — now when last can you say you stopped to welcome that precious aural delight? Take note of all the sounds around you, from the wind brushing through the leaves to the birds chirping out a synchronized melody.
  7. Vision — Marveling at a spectacular sunset or the dawn of a sunrise — can you remember lying on your back on the freshly mown lawn, just gazing up at the stars or trying to spot a shape in the clouds?

I hope you are clambering for your door this very moment, just itching to get out there!

This was an article I wrote for Purpose Fairy — published on the 3rd September 2012, the original article can be found here:  http://www.purposefairy.com/7219/are-you-letting-the-wonders-of-the-world-pass-you-by/